The Most Glorious Gift.

Although the characters and circumstances here are fictitious, the story is based on various true incidences I have seen, heard and even read about in the past.

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There were two friends, two men about the same age. One was married, the other single. The married one was Ted, the other, Doug. Ted was the married one. The two had known each other for several years. Then one day, Doug's church closed down due to a combined shrinking congregation and in deep financial debt, and the building where the main services were held went into administration.

Doug, who lived on his own, began to miss the Sunday corporate worship, and he began to feel lonely. One day, he phoned his mate Ted and asked whether he can come around to enjoy the company of his mate and his wife, Sandra, as Doug was also aware that both of his friend's daughters had already flown the nest. Their eldest daughter had just started a career up in Nottinghamshire, the other a student at Bristol University.

Doug was keen on both comedy and documentaries. And so, Doug began to call at Ted's home once a week for lunch and TV, whilst also visiting other churches with a hope of finding one that has permanent suitability.

Both liked to greet each other with a hug, and also to part with a hug too. And it was for this reason that, on one occasion, Ted assured his friend that despite such affection, he was not gay - his years of happy marriage to Sandra verifying this. Sometimes, the two mates went out together. Day trips to London were also common, both with and without Sandra. However, if one of the two boys needed to answer a call of nature at a public restroom, the other usually waited outside. Neither thought otherwise, except for those occasional moments when both had to meet their need.

Yet, Ted slowly began to worship Doug. This was out of admiration for his friend's academic qualities, including a doctorate. Ted was just the opposite. He failed at school and left education to enter the real world of manual work without any qualifications, much to the disappointment of his parents, who were ashamed of their comparatively dim son living in a neighbourhood full of bright kids.

In turn, Doug's high level of education made a deep impression on Ted's psyche, and he began to develop a fetish for Doug's bare arms, as he tends to wear a tee-shirt whenever the weather is mild. For weeks on end, the husband and father felt attracted towards his mate's sleeveless limbs and even stroked them whilst sitting at a table in a bar or restaurant. Doug seemed to enjoy the sensation.

Then, one day, Ted was becoming tired of what he thought was living a lie. Even in his wife's arms in bed, his spirit felt agitated, and he was unable to sleep properly. He knew that he had to confess to his friend what was going on in his mind. He felt that he couldn't go on like this. He then phoned and confessed to the fetish he felt for his friend's upper limbs.

The response was not what Ted had hoped for. What he would have wanted was Doug's sympathetic attitude expressed in a talk concluding in an agreement with a promise from Ted that he won't stroke his bicep anymore, and it would help if his mate wore a long-sleeved shirt or a jumper. But instead, his response was:

Thanks for your honesty. I won't be seeing you or Sandra anymore. And that was it. Ted then realised that Doug was sitting in Moses' seat. By heck, Ted then thought to himself: With Christians like Doug, along with others with similar attitudes representing the churches, no wonder atheism is spreading across this so-called "Christian country" as fast as mould spreads across stale bread!

Yet despite the shock, Ted felt deeply for his former friend. How he now regrets making the confession and how much he wishes to turn back the clock! Doug was the closest friend he has ever had, a mate who cared for him and had none of the snobbery or the arrogance that many well-educated men have over those not so well endowed academically. He was a far cry from many an Etonian, for example, whose privileged upbringing gave him that sense of entitlement - that attitude history has shown to be obnoxious. As a doctor, Doug was never like any of those posh people. And so, Ted sits there and looks around. How he wished that he simply kept his hands to himself and his mouth shut! 

But his conscience wouldn't allow it. Rather, he knew that even as a Christian, he was still accountable to God, and one day he will stand before the Bema Seat of Christ, a rostrum where rewards are given out to faithful believers. It will be no place to shed tears of regret. Hence, his initial confession.

In the nights following the loss of his friend, Ted began to have dreams of his relationship with Doug. The first one was of Doug acting with such hostility that Ted thought that he was about to be killed. A few nights later, another dream Ted had, was of Doug and himself becoming reconciled and the friendship resumes. He was disappointed when he woke up to reality.

With his wife's encouragement, it didn't take very long to re-acquaint to life without Doug visiting, even though he still miss his friend's weekly calls. As he sat and meditated, he knew that he wasn't a homosexual. Although he had a fetish for his friend's arms, that was it. He also knew that the very thought of a naked embrace with another man - any man - was repulsive enough never to engage in such activity, let alone share a bed!  

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Yet, both Ted and Doug were true Christian believers. With Ted, did he commit a serious sin? I guess that would be up to him to decide. And perhaps it's exactly about this issue that I watched a YouTube video presented by a one-time Christian-turned-atheist. According to the unbeliever, religion binds a heavy burden of condemnation on those who may have such fetishes. In truth, they can't help feeling the way they do, but God will still judge them, nevertheless. Although some gays like to "live it up" - the vast majority would never have chosen to be that way. Had it been entirely up to them, most would have preferred to be "straight" - marry and raise a family. Furthermore, the rate of suicides committed by gay men had always been the highest among all other causes of suicide, according to what I once read. Indeed, given the choice, one doesn't choose to be gay.

But, according to the atheist's worldview, he is still condemned by God and by the Church, and therefore, he will spend eternity in Hell, even if he can't help feeling that way. It does make me wonder: of the two kinds of "sexual deviation" having a fetish for another man but hardly making any form of physical contact or a man who sleeps with other women, or even with a prostitute? Is one more acceptable to other Christians than the other, and thus, have a better chance for salvation?

And so it brings me to ask about Ted and Doug. If Ted, say, out on a gardening or landscaping job, finds the lady of the house attractive and she too likes him, and the two end up in bed, how would Doug react? Would he stay away and end the friendship with Ted? Or would he give him a stern telling off, but decide to continue with the friendship? Or even merely encourage him that we all have weaknesses and these things happen - with reassurance that the church will cover for him?

And so, the debate goes on both within and without the church - campaigns against gay marriage, even a Court case over whether to bake a cake for a homosexual couple, is it right to be friends and associate with a gay person? Is it right for anyone to divorce and remarry? Will he who marries a divorced woman suffer God's judgement? 

And so, the debate is continually thrown back and forth across the table, with fundamental Christians sitting on one side and liberals sitting on the opposite side, the nominal onlooker walks away feeling confused, even discontented, and the atheist hardens his heart as he embraces Darwinism with a greater sense of enthusiasm. 

And so, in his letter to the church in Rome, Paul the Apostle lists a whole plethora of sins, including "men burning with lust towards other men and reaping in their bodies (STD, AIDS etc.) the consequence of their actions" - Romans 1:27. Surely, not quite like Ted's mere fetish for Doug's arms! Or is it?

Then, further on in his letter, Paul quotes Genesis 15:6 -

Abraham believed in the Lord and it was credited to him as righteousness.

This single line is, to my opinion, the most powerful verse in the entire Bible. In his letter to Rome, Paul devotes three full chapters to that quote. He mentions it again in his letter to the churches in Galatia, and James also uses the same quote in his general letter to all Jewish Christians everywhere. In Paul's other letters, especially to the church in Ephesus, further implications of those words can be read.

Most theologians call this doctrine, Justification by Faith. I like to call it Imputed Righteousness - an answer to the Roman Catholic soteriology of Infused Righteousness, where salvation is a gradual process of faith combined with the believer's works needed to get to Heaven. Since I was born a Catholic and thus, fully able to make comparisons, I can see that the whole letter to the Romans is the answer to the future Roman Catholic Church which the Holy Spirit foreknew beforehand of its rise.

In the forensic sense, Imputed Righteousness is to be declared righteous by God the Judge without the need of a single work from the believer. It literally means that God the Father sees the believer as equally righteous and in the same light as his own Son, Jesus Christ. As Paul writes:-

However, to the man who does not work but trusts God who justifies the wicked, his faith is credited as righteousness. Romans 4:5. 

Imputed righteousness is a free gift from God given to the sinner by grace. It cannot be earned, neither is it for sale. Rather, it's a free gift given to everyone who believes that Jesus of Nazareth died on the cross to make atonement, was buried, and three days later, he rose physically from the dead, thus proving that this Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God.

Therefore, is Doug doing the right thing by abstaining from Ted's presence? If Ted is a true believer, and I take it that he is, then Doug has no right to keep his distance from him. Rather, Doug should recognise that Ted has his own set of weaknesses, for whom Christ died to atone and to make an effort to reconcile and restore the friendship. And that means not counting any of his shortcomings against him. Likewise, Ted should also recognise Doug being in Christ and pay him due respect by vowing not to stroke his arms anymore.

The Resurrected Christ, the base for our justification.

Imputed Righteousness, Justification by Faith, Forensic Acquittal, Eternal Security, Once Saved Always Saved, Regeneration, a New Birth, Adoption into God's Family - whatever you want to call it, it all means one thing - salvation is given as a free gift through grace. Such a wonderful gift does not encourage the believer to sin more, rather it persuades the believer not to sin, mainly out of love for both God and his brother.

But, being human, I'm convinced that there is a bit of Ted and Doug in all of us, to a greater or lesser level. The temptation to fulfil a curiosity is never far away, sitting on Moses' seat isn't far from us, either. As if you see another sinner who appears black, you would feel as if you're white, even if you're actually grey.

Unfortunately, that was how Doug saw himself when he discovered Ted's true colours.

The 5 Animals that Disproves God?

I recall one Sunday evening at Bracknell Baptist Church sometime in the late eighties. We were at that time meeting at a school assembly hall. This was due to the size of the congregation that has outgrown its old building on Church Road. Soon, a new permanent meeting place was to be built and opened, to be called The Kerith Centre. 

In the meantime, we met in a nearby school assembly hall. On the front stage stood two women who had just returned from one of the charismatic revivals that were taking place in North America. One of these I have heard about was in Toronto, Ontario, and the other one in Pensacola, Florida. Which one of the two churches these married women flew across the Atlantic to visit, at this time, I can't fully remember, but that doesn't matter. However, the effect their testimony had on us cannot be forgotten.

After several minutes of talking, all of a sudden, the whole congregation went berserk! All around me, people - fully grown adults - started to wail, to cry, to laugh, to scream, to make strange noises. There was violent body shaking, trembling of the hands, and people falling to the floor. The whole scene of pandemonium was so chaotic, any child or unchurched would have doubled up in fright.

I was the only person who sat there stone-cold sober! I looked around. If this whole scenario was a visitation of the Holy Spirit, then why did He bypass me entirely? All I did was sit there and said or done nothing but watch and listen to everything that was going on around me.

It was tempting, at the time, to believe I was ignored by the Holy Spirit because I was still in my sins. Unlikely. Even back then, I was familiar with the Bible, and I was already aware that there is nothing in Holy Scripture, whether in the Old Testament or the New, that had anything parallel to this "revival."

I recall the husband of one of the women on the stage. He didn't think of me very highly, and I doubt whether he thought highly of the senior pastor, either. But each week, he could be seen "dancing in the Spirit" at the back of the church while everyone else remained at their place during worship, thus giving the impression of being at a higher spiritual level. Then, some years later and after I left the church for the one at Ascot, I heard through the grapevine that his wife - the one who stood on the stage - attended a house party and has met another man with whom a relationship between them has begun. This led to her divorce from her husband.

As already mentioned, all this came through the grapevine and as such, I can't verify the story. But having known her husband for quite a few years, I wasn't too surprised. If a spirit of self-righteousness had developed in him, and that was something I also saw, it would come to no surprise that sooner or later, his wife would find solace in another man who showed her enough affection as not to be so judgemental over her.

If such a revival had carried with it a sense of optimism for the church - never mind the scandal that followed. At least that can be swept under the carpet. If I wish to believe that the hysteria was of God, despite having no backing from the Bible, and so, in today's Daily Mail, the Saturday Essay was about the glorious optimism for the English. After developing a successful vaccine rollout which is paving the way to freedom after sixteen months of lockdowns, everything is looking up. Then, after a quarter of a century of losing to Germany, England knocks out its enemy from the European Football championships. As we eagerly wait for the final whistle that will end tonight's game against Ukraine, the nation is optimistic enough for our team to play in the semi-finals. And who dares wins? Perhaps the Final too? After 55 years since 1966 of missing the Final altogether, England is optimistic.

England is also proud, due to Brexit, that big international firms such as the Japanese Nissan carmakers choosing to set up a factory in Sunderland, northern England, thus providing jobs for many. And so, also due to Brexit, the economy will recover at a fast rate - not that surprising really - when considering market demand. After months of not spending on non-essential items, people will be ready to open their wallets. I tend to believe that it was the mass vaccination and not Brexit, that will springboard the economy to health.

If England frees itself fully from the pandemic by mass vaccination, wins the European Cup, and experience a thriving economy mainly due to Brexit, then indeed, the nation has reasons for pride and glory! But something is missing. Just as the "revival" was raising hopes for a higher spiritual ecstasy in the church, the woman on stage who ushered in the hysteria was herself already finding godly living at home difficult.

Likewise, the hopes and dreams of a golden age for post-Brexit Britain has a gaping hole in the middle - a lack of faith in God. And as this national apostasy is accelerating, I actually dread rather than anticipate the future. Will a new variant of the virus, totally vaccine-resistant, finally wipe us all out? Or a national takeover by a foreign power so strong, all we can do is submit without a fight?

Who knows? Earlier this week, I watched a video by Harrison Cother, an ex-Jehovah's Witness. He has made only eight videos but between them, he had already collected 1,238,984 views since he joined YouTube on January 31st 2021. His latest video, 5 Animals That Disprove God, had already collected 114,000 views since it was posted just six days previously.

Harrison Cother is a very handsome young man with a gentle spirit, and I believe it's that, rather than the video's content, which drew in an audience with astonishing rapidity. An ex-Jehovah's Witness turned atheist, his growing knowledge of the natural world was not only the reason to renounce his faith but also leaves any Christian apologetic in a difficult situation. The five animals he refers to are the bed bug, the snake, the box jellyfish, the mosquito, and the human being.

Cother refers to the bed bug as a blood-sucking parasite that feeds on human blood whilst the victim is asleep. Designed by Jehovah to creep up in the darkest night, and drawn by the carbon dioxide in the exhaled breath, this bug gorges itself with blood during the night - such is God's creation - the same God who has forbidden the consumption of the blood of other animals by humans under the penalty of death (Genesis 9:4, Leviticus 17:11-14).

The box jellyfish is another mentioned by Cother. He even mentions a dispute between the Father and the Son on this issue! Why on earth did you create such a creature? the Son asks, Oh, because I am God, the Father answers. I can create what I like! And that is despite that many humans, whom God loves, were badly hurt by the jellyfish's ferocious sting and many had died of it, including children.

Another pest, according to Cother, is the mosquito. Whilst also sucking human blood, this insect has spread malaria throughout history. Countless people had died of malaria, especially children. Yet, God sees fit to create such an insect with the foreknowledge of the lives these creatures will take through such a horrible disease.

Harrison Cother, here on Twitter.

The snake is another. Many species of snake consume eggs laid by other animals, or if the egg is too big, then it eats the hatchling. Other species of snake strangle their prey or injected it with poison. As for egg-eating snakes, this is strange when foretold and designed by a loving God when he says that if an unborn child dies as a result of a blow to the mother's tummy, the offended must be punished by death - a life for a life -Exodus 21:22-23.

Finally, Harrison Cother ranks the human being as the number one animal that proves the non-existence of God. And the failure of God's pinnacle of Creation lies with pregnancy and childbirth. Here, he names 31 ailments that can occur during pregnancy and childbirth, along with the death rate of mothers giving birth. He quotes that in the present 21st Century estimate made by the World Health Organisation, up to 300,000 deaths occur during childbirth every year worldwide. That is one death every two minutes. He then gives an illustration of flying to Saudi Arabia to cut off a man's hand. When the innocent victim asks why his hand was severed, the explanation given was that his great, great, great...great...great...grandfather once stole something and as such, his descendant must bear the punishment. Hence Eve's sin and the punishment suffered by all her descendants.

As a JW, Cother used to quote Genesis 3:15 - I will greatly multiply your pain during childbirth, in pain, you shall bring forth children...and he accuses Creationists of blaming him for ranking the human being as the worst example of God's creation. He then blames God for saying, "I will multiply your pain in childbirth..." rather than merely "Your pain will merely be a consequence of your sin."

As a Christian and a creationist myself, I'll be the first to step forward and ask: how can I give an answer to such an intelligent and observing atheist? The only thing I can say is at the Edenic Curse, which is what this is, there was a dynamic anatomical change that not only took place in Eve's body, but in Adam's too, and in every animal alive at that time - on land, in the sea, and in the air. Personally, the need to defecate might have arisen from this curse, and some species of animals that were vegetarian before the Curse became carnivorous afterwards. And the Curse of Genesis 3:16 is well known by Harrison Cother.

Also, there are several things, in my mind, that's worth considering: One is the time the Curse was passed. Unfortunately, we are not told of the time-lapse between the initial creation and the Fall. And also worth considering that by comparison to what we see today, there weren't that many land animals back then, either. For example, the question of speciation. The feline family, for one, has at present, the lion, the tiger, the leopard, the cheetah, the puma, the wild cat, and the domestic cat. All these seven could have arisen from just one pair - a male and a female - during Adam's time. The Equine family is another example - the horse, the pony, the zebra, the onager, the kianger, the ass, the quagga, and the mule - all could have arisen from the one pair. The same applies to the primates, starting with just one pair of ape-like creatures. Even the elephant, the mastodon and the mammoth could have arisen from the one pair. And so, I can go on and on. For a further example, could the brontosaur, the diplodocus and the brachiosaur have arisen from just one pair? (By the way, is the Behemoth in Job 40:14-24 a description of a Brontosaur?)

We are not told how long it took for Adam to name every animal that God brought to him, but assuming it took a considerable short time may indicate that in their original state, for some to turn into carnivores most likely occurred before the birth of any of their offspring, therefore, this might not have been a big issue as one can imagine when examining speciation that exists now.

I agree with Harrison Cother that there are many bad things in the natural world. such as the Cotesia wasp which larvae burrow into a live caterpillar. By contrast, the fossil record shows how ancient organisms, including dinosaurs, died by violence and drowning. Several fossils were found of one creature in the process of eating another when it came to a sudden end. Cother even holds one such fossil up close for us to examine. Or a pregnant ichthyosaur meeting its sudden end, found, I believe, at the Jurassic Coast of Southwest England. I have visited the Natural History Museum in Oxford. At one gallery, there is a rock slab with many fish fossils preserved on it, all fully complete with their scales. Dead fish don't settle to the seafloor. Instead, they are normally eaten by scavengers, or they decompose entirely. These fossil fish were preserved intact as if met by some sudden catastrophe.

Could the record of Noah's Flood be the making of the entire fossil record?

Next, I would like to say to Cother that he was lied to by the Watchtower Society from childhood. With all matters relating to topics specified by the Watchtower, the issue with the Trinity, I feel, is of the most importance.

Jehovah's Witnesses deny the Trinity - that is, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit are all equal in the Godhead. The Father is God, the Son is God, and the Holy Spirit is God, but these are not three gods but one God. This is the central doctrine of the Christian faith and sets it apart from all other religions.

Tied with the Trinity is God's plan of salvation. If the Son Jesus is not equal to the Father, then he is not capable of saving anyone completely. The Watchtower knows this and plays a very subtle psychological trick - that if Jesus Christ cannot save fully, then it's up to man to save himself. Therefore, absolute obedience to the Society - in door-to-door work (known as a Kingdom Publisher) - along with accepting everything handed down from the Society's table without ever questioning what they say. In other words, for the hope of salvation, you must be a slave of the Watchtower Society!

If Jesus was truly God and truly man - in theological circles, known as the Hypostatic Union, then He's able to save completely. And if God can save completely, then the organisation would crumble.

True salvation involves justification by faith - or imputed righteousness. That is, the Righteousness of Christ imputed into the sinner's account. That means the Father seeing the believer in exactly the same way He sees His Son! To be in Christ and Christ in you. The Watchtower doesn't teach any of this, indeed, it cannot, or it would fall to pieces. But it's clearly taught by Paul in his letter to the Romans, chapters 3, 4, and 5. Romans 8 is also worth a read - without any of the Watchtower's interference.

If this wonderful plan of salvation is to be set in motion, then Jesus had to die by crucifixion on a cross (note: not merely impaled on an upright stake!) Then He was buried and on the third day, rose physically from the tomb. The Watchtower denies a physical Resurrection. Instead, they promote only a spiritual one, the ghost of Jesus rising from his dead body. But the physical Resurrection of Jesus Christ is absolutely essential for salvation, as Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 15. Again, that's worth reading on its own. If Christ did not rise physically, then there's no salvation.

I have a lot of respect for Harrison Cother. His gentle spirit while explaining why he has turned to atheism had earned my respect and not any form of judgement. If only he understood the very glory of God in his plan of salvation, that is way, way better than what the Watchtower can only offer. Who knows, he can see how bad our present natural world can be, and still trust in his Triune God for his wonderful salvation.

Ho-Ho-Ho? Or Boo-Hoo-Hoo?

One Christmas Eve, alone in my second-floor bachelor apartment and just before settling down for the night, I placed a dish with a mince pie next to an open kitchen window. Ah! by the next morning I should see the pie gone and in its place, one or two gaudily-wrapped Christmas presents. But alas! 

When I rose to check whether St Nicholas has called and hadn't by mistake overlooked my residence, the window was still open, the pie was still in its dish, untouched, and there were no presents. For crying out loud, when would our all-red suited, white-bearded elderly gentleman learn that I had already flown my parent's nest some years earlier? Or does having central heating instead of an open coal fire poses problems? After all, I have yet to watch a letter to Santa lying on a cold empty grate suddenly fly up the chimney without any source of propulsion.

At least the tooth fairy was far more sharp-minded and right up-to-date. I recall as a boy staying with my aunt, quite a few miles from home, while Mum and Dad decided on a romantic break at the seaside resort of Folkstone. One of my milk teeth became loose and eventually dropped out of my mouth. In next to no time the tooth vanished, only to see a sixpence where the tooth was deliberately left. Either there were many tooth fairies or, like Santa, just the one, but on full alert when and where a tooth becomes available, even over a great distance geographically.

But despite my disappointment on that particular Christmas morning, I have been wondering, just how old Santa is supposed to be? If according to tradition, if he was around in AD 320, then he would now be more than 1,700 years old. Indeed, not bad for someone living in a cold climate and travelling only for a few hours once a year. But even as a child, as with all young children in the Western World, so it has never crossed my mind on how could a small sleigh carry enough presents to gift every child around the globe. Neither on how a reindeer, let alone a team of them, was able to fly at a tremendous speed over distances as far apart as Wellington in New Zealand and London, UK, and then as far west as Hawaii - all within a time frame of 24 hours without crossing the International Date Line. Aerodynamically, such a flight would be riddled with problems, not to mention both the anatomical and mechanical inadequacies involved. 

And yet, it happens every year. Santa Clause is coming to town once again! Time to put out the mince pie and leave the window open, since we don't have a fireplace!

And oh yes, this time, I will leave a note with the mince pie:-

Dear Father Christmas,

I have moved out of Mum's home over 45 years ago. I now live here. Please leave my presents just inside the open window and enjoy the mince pie I left for you. You'll be needing it for the rest of your journey. Stay safe. Many thanks.

Love, 

Frank. 

At present, I may consider the "reality" of Science, but as children, we never pondered on any of these "realistic" issues. We really believed that Santa Clause, or Father Christmas, existed, and all our toys and games which filled our oversized stockings came either from the sky or through the chimney. Oh! The excitement and the wonder of it all!

However, when the penny finally dropped - that our presents didn't fall from the sky or through the chimney, but instead, were bought beforehand by my parents from a local store - suddenly, all the magic had gone out of Christmas. Everything changed. After the change, the reality that the time has come for me to buy presents for other family members. And believe me, that was far from easy!

Not having any sons or nephews of my own, I had to resist the temptation to buy train sets, toy trucks and cars, or games such as checkers or chess, or even Ludo or Monopoly, for my two nieces. Apparently, they weren't into dolls (as far as I was aware) - therefore, deciding what to buy for them was an annual nightmare, that is, until they were old enough to receive and appreciate a card containing a gift voucher. Very un-Christmassy, I know, but a worse scenario of unwanted presents was avoided, along with my perception of seeing forced smiles after unwrapping. 

But going back to Father Christmas, it was my uncle, Dad's older brother, who sternly warned my mischievous nieces that unless they were good, they won't be getting any presents from Santa. It seems as if the air in the dining room was cut with a sharp knife. As I sat with them, I thought:

I would never talk that way if I ever have children of my own, nor allow him to come anywhere near them.

This was long before I met and married Alex. Rather, having already flown the nest, this happened while I called for a Sunday visit, and Dad's older brother and his wife were staying with them for a few days. 

A statement like that has made me wonder how a "conditional Christmas" would engender love and thankfulness in the hearts of either of my nieces. In fact, I could ask, if being good enough was the condition met to receive a present, then is this "present" really a free gift? Or is it due to good behaviour? 

I felt ill at ease, perceiving that there's something not quite right about this behaviour-dependency. And it bodes ill for Santa's character, too. It gives the impression that Father Christmas is all-knowing and with a hint of omnipresence, constantly watching and recording every detail of behaviour, and only give away presents if he's satisfied with the recipient's behaviour throughout the rest of the year. Uncle's definition of generosity does not engender any affection for this supposedly Ho-Ho-Ho gentleman.

It reminds me of a pre-Christmas 1934 hit, Santa Clause is Coming to Town, with which I'm more familiar with the Jackson 5 version of the song, released in 1970. It contains the words, He knows if you been bad or good, so be good, for goodness sake.

I could see that this "conditional Christmas" which my Uncle so sternly warned about did not impress either of my nieces, back then still in their pre-teens. It didn't impress me either. And I doubt if he had impressed my parents as well, who was also in the same room. 

This attitude is just the setup needed for me to think, So if that's how it is, Santa, then you can stuff your presents where the sun doesn't shine! As for the girls, to whom the threat was addressed, chances were that they both cringed in fear within, already wondering whether their day-to-day behaviour had earned enough merit to receive presents for Christmas.

Therefore, I can identify my Uncle's perception of Father Christmas' attitude with the God of Roman Catholicism, from whom I can only receive salvation if I stay faithful and loyal to the Church, and to live a holy life. If I sin, then I must confess to a priest and then do penance - a set of prayers and good and charitable works - assigned to me by the priest to regain my salvation. If however, I unexpectedly die with unconfessed sin, then entry into heaven will be denied, either temporary if my sin is slight but eternally if my sin is serious. This is salvation by works, and according to my experience, both within me and around me has shown that this is the most destructive doctrine ever invented.

Although I knew the words of ritualistic prayer by heart, this conditional salvation led me into atheism throughout my teenage years. It was simply easier to deny the existence of God than it was to try to satisfy a deity who was constantly listing my shortcomings to see if I'm worthy to be saved. Even then, salvation was something I would see as something well-deserved rather than as a free gift.

Back in the mid-seventies, I once knew a regular sauna user who was very loud and profane in his language - not the type I would see in church! An extrovert and life of the party, he was the one who dominated any group discussion in the sauna cabin, and I felt intimidated by his presence. One day I had the opportunity to be alone with him, and I asked him what he thought of Jesus Christ. He launched an angry tirade, saying that he was brought up as a Roman Catholic and he despises the faith. I knew where he was coming from. And he was not the only one. I have met and spoken to others who had the same opinion and attitude towards God and any form of organised religion.

All from the reality of a holy God and the awareness of sin, thus making it impossible to please God and win His approval. This is why lately I have been watching YouTube videos posted by atheists. Not to throw cold water on my own faith but to try to get to the bottom of their unbeliefs and their apparent hatred of God. And I feel that there is a general apathy towards God extending nationwide. This huge, unbridgeable gap between the holiness and purity of God and the awareness of dirtiness within our consciousnesses has indeed brought in this sense of hostility which isn't unlike my late Uncle's version of Father Christmas.

But Christmas isn't about St Nicholas, it's all about Jesus - the greatest free gift God could give to us! I'm one of the fortunate ones who had, several times, visited the traditional site of the birth of Jesus Christ in Bethlehem, therefore I may have that extra awareness of what this free gift means to me.

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8.

Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners. 1 Timothy 1:15.

The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life. Romans 6:23.

Christmas is about the birth of Jesus Christ in a stable, a free gift God has given to everyone who believes. It's the greatest gift of all, it's free, and no work of any kind can earn it. Neither must I be good to receive it. There is no list made in heaven by God to see if I'm worthy to receive the gift. In fact, I'm totally unworthy. But God, who justifies the wicked, (Romans 4:5) - credits His own righteousness to me and to everyone else who believes, and thus the free gift of eternal life in the presence of God forever.

On behalf of Alex and me, we both wish you all a very merry Christmas and we wish you a more hopeful year ahead. God bless.

God's Love: In a Car or an Airliner?

God's great and wonderful love. But is that how you perceive God? Or is he that Old Man in the sky, sporting a beard and having a truculent temperament, constantly watching intently over your life and recording every sin you commit, whether in thought or deed, in a huge book? If so, would it be easier to make him out to be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, knowing such a concept to be way too ridiculous to even consider factual?

And maybe, to consider God to be a Flying Spaghetti Monster seems far less threatening than any idea of an entity so holy that he just cannot look upon sin. And the snag is, I'm fully aware of my own sinfulness and no matter how hard I try, attempting to snap out of it by self-effort remains a hopeless endeavour.

I recall Tim and I walking along a stretch of the West Coastal Path in Dorset, less than a year after I married Alex (and still unaware that she was a couple of weeks pregnant!) In front was a mud pool, left after a night of torrential rain. Without thinking, I leapt over the mud pool until I was on firm ground on the other side of it.

Did I have a phobia against mud pools? Do I still? Even at that moment, I had to think back before I was able to explain to Tim why I reacted in the way I did.

I recall watching a Western as a boy with Dad. On the small monochrome TV screen, I stared aghast at the villain as he stepped onto a patch of quicksand as he was chased by the hero. He immediately began to sink into the pasty ground, screaming and struggling as he disappeared entirely beneath the surface and apparently drowned. I then asked,

Papa, does quicksand really exist? To which he answered, Yes, it does, but failed to add, but not in this country.

Not long after this, our primary school class boarded a school bus to either Richmond Park or Wimbledon Common, as we did every Wednesday morning, except when it's raining. As we walked along, I stepped into a mud pool, and although I didn't sink into it, the suction by the combination of water and mud held my feet down and I was stuck. I was terrified and began to panic until one of the teachers helped me out. 

This adversity of mud pools remains deep in the subconscious well into adult life, and maybe not realise it's there until I happen to come across such a ground surface. I guess it was the same as my perception of God. Having grown up in a Catholic family, it was during the early teens when I had to learn the complicated process in trying to get to Heaven after death. There was no guarantee, no assurance, being constantly reminded of my sin, the need for repeated confession to the priest, the need for penance following confession, to regularly partake in the sacraments, mainly the Eucharist, and to learn by heart key prayers such as the Lord's Prayer and more important, the Act of Contrition and the Hail Mary. Get the words wrong and God won't like that. Furthermore, no matter how faithful I am, there is still Purgatory, a temporary Hell where the devotee has all remaining sins expunged before he can enter Heaven.  

Having the need to pray to Mary, the "Mother of God" adds further discredit to the character of Jesus Christ, giving the impression that he is constantly irate by our shortcomings and therefore the need of a Mediatrix to plead to him on my behalf. Such builds into the subconscious. Then as a final stroke, to die with one unconfessed mortal sin in my soul would mean an eternity spent in Hell, no matter how devoted to the Church I had been throughout life.

The end result? A slide into atheism which dominated the rest of my teenage years. And the attitude of my late Dad. He always wanted a daughter, one who would have grown up bright enough to attend University. Instead, he had a son whose intelligence fell short of the two rather bright brothers who lived two doors away. The son's perception of God is always reflected in his father's attitude. If Dad wasn't that pleased with me, neither was God either.

Therefore, it took a long time after conversion to undo what I have learned and to learn the truth of God's love. Yet the truth of God's love is well reflected by who I am and we are - made in the image of God.

For example, the sense of taste. Indeed, the science of the taste buds on the tongue, the nerve endings which determines the chemical composition of each food chewed and thus sent via nerves to the brain, such a demonstration that eating is meant to be a pleasure, a gift God delights to give. Maybe children living at the time of Christ may have received a fish or an egg as a gift from their fathers, the equivalent is a bar of chocolate or a bag of sweets today. I recall watching a classmate enjoying a bar of chocolate as enviable to the rest of us young children. 

Yea, I know, like with any child, food has to look appealing before it can be enjoyed. The fat of meat looked very unappealing, so I never touched it. Could this be a subconscious warning that meat fat is bad for me? Or anything with a bad or bitter taste is spat out? A warning against poisoning? Part of self-preservation? However, unlike many other kids, I always loved Brussel sprouts but cringed at the sight of garlic and onions. Yet a plate of spaghetti bolognese? Hmm! Anytime! Such proof that our Heavenly Father delights in giving us good things.

The universally of God's love makes me ask whether enemies of God, especially in the Old Testament, such as Goliath, the Philistine giant who challenged and defied the armies of Israel, when off-duty, sat and enjoyed a good feast with his family or friends. And all the evil kings who wanted to destroy Israel, such as Sihon king of the Amorites, Eglon king of Moab, Og king of Bashan to name just three, and all their troops numbering multiple thousands. Why is it so difficult for me to believe that during their lifetimes God gave all of them good things, food to delight their taste buds and to nourish their bodies and drink, whether water or even sweet wine to satisfy their thirst. And thinking of Ahab king of Israel and his wife Jezebel, the evil queen who worshipped Baal and wanted Elijah killed. Yet how she must have tenderly breastfed her newborn daughter Athaliah and ensured that she was well taken care of by her servants. Not to mention a life of royal feasts enjoyed by the couple.

As a Christian, I still find how God's love for the unbelieving world can be so plausible, yet he sends rain to both the just and to the unjust, the good and bad alike. And the breath of life, including the involuntary heartbeat and digestion, the immune system, the genome in the nucleus of each cell, the intricate machines made of molecules producing protein each on the microscopic scale. The DNA, the RNA, the nucleotides, the double helix and all other components which make the cell function properly, would have kept the likes of Goliath, Og, Sihon, Eglon, Ahab and Jezebel alive and healthy, as well as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, and Isaiah alive and well. God's love is universal.

And the beauty of our planet, which according to the Bible, is meant to bring the human heart to the reality of God's creation. True enough, in a fallen world, much of the intricate beauty which existed before the Fall, even up to the Flood, is lost, but God did not leave our planet resembling Hell either.  

Certain descendants of Ham, the son of Noah, were, for example, the first to arrive into the North American Continent long before any white settlers arrived. I wonder how they thought when they discovered the vast, awesome chasm of the Grand Canyon, also the thundering Niagara Falls, along with other dynamic beauty such as what is now the Yosemite National Park within the majestic glory of the Rockies, the Kings Canyon National Park, perhaps the intimidating geyser at the Yellowstone National Park, and other stunning locations. Did they gasp in wonderment, giving glory to the God who made all these?

God's love for all of us - the saved and for the unsaved - is universal, and perhaps much deeper and stronger love than I or anyone else would expect. It's the reality of this love which I still need to grasp, instead of pondering whether he loves me at all. I wonder how I could be so blind at times. The very breath of life passing through my nostrils is sustained by God. Yet there are times when I worry about sin in my life without the full realisation that all my sins have already been paid for by Jesus Christ when he died on the cross. 

And I read about the life a Christian should live. Devotionals without number have been written over the years, and even formulas have been thought up to aid with our walk with God. One formula I have never forgotten was dreamt up by Bill Hybels of Willow Creek Church in Chicago, which consist of ACTS, which is an acronym for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplements. It's a catchy formula which was published in one of his devotionals, but unfortunately, very little of it is heard or read about at present, a phenomenon which allowed me to question its validity. And I'll be honest with myself, to pray within such an inflexible structure hasn't proven successful or enduring. But with some flexibility, it could still be a good source of prayer guidance.

This is a time in my life when I had to endure two weeks of self-isolation after being told that my beloved wife was tested positive for Coronavirus. I felt devastated, with my faith in God stretched to the limit. Why us? As still a minority of the entire UK population affected, why us?

That's when the reality of God's love kicks into reality. Eternal Security - Once Saved Always Saved. Such a truth is vital for our situation!

Are you driving a car or soaring into the sky in an aeroplane?

Christians who think that a believer can lose his salvation if he doesn't hold faithful is driving the car. In theological circles, such Christians are known as Arminians, where salvation can be retained or lost by the choice of lifestyle the believer makes. To them, each believer must himself overcome the world if he's going to be saved. It's rather like driving a car - making sure that he is on the right road, following the direction signs, negotiating carefully to avoid a collision, stopping at red lights and waiting for the green signal. And the law is constantly upon him. One breach of the law and he gets a ticket, a Court order. Or if he ends up in an accident, it's not to his original destination he'll end up, but at a hospital, even a mortuary. In such a scenario, what the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ had accomplished is that where before he couldn't get anywhere at all, he now receives a car by grace - but it's up to him to negotiate his way to Heaven by remaining faithful and overcoming the pitfalls he will face.

I once heard that up to every believing Christian who ends up committed to an institution or psychiatric hospital, up to 88% are Arminians. Indeed, to live under such responsibility must be quite burdensome, especially if one is struggling with a specific sin. Yet there are many leaders, evangelists and preachers who are alumni from top theological colleges who teach all this.

Then there are those like myself, perhaps known as moderate Calvinists, who believe that once saved always saved, that because he is born from above through faith in Christ and as such, a new creation and adopted into God's family as a co-heir with Christ, he cannot lose his salvation. That is, his free gift of salvation is eternal, with Jesus doing all the overcoming himself, having taken all our sins upon Himself on the cross, and afterwards by His resurrection, overcame death for us all.

That is likened with soaring into the sky in an aeroplane. The passenger enjoys the flight with absolutely nothing to do to aid in the flight, as the pilot does all the work. Instead, the passenger can look out of the window and watch the wispy clouds above him and the contours of the coast far below, where the land meets the sea. Or gaze at the cumulus clouds below, glowing bright white beneath him, knowing that rain is falling onto the earth below. Just as the pilot does all the work, so likewise, the believer gives all the credit and praise to God through faith in Jesus Christ.

We flew over the Kent coast on our way to Kos, Greece, 2011.

These are very difficult times, moments of hopelessness and despair. But to trust in the Living God whose love for us has put Jesus Christ onto the cross to redeem us, can be a wonderful tonic when going through such troublesome times.

How Can I Be So Sure?

This week, after a short train journey, I alight at Reading, into the warm sunshine. Then I stroll casually into the town centre shopping precinct. Among the crowds was a group of smartly-dressed men, shirt-and-tie and all that, their dress code making them stand out from the rest of us, that is, except for the passing school kids in their uniform.

Thinking they were salesmen, I did my best to avoid them. The one who approached me spoke in a dialect which made his introducing of himself difficult to understand. Like as if he's an annoying mosquito buzzing around in its hope for some blood, I waved him off and continued to where I was going.

Among the crowds was a group of smartly-dressed men...

Later, on my way back to the station, I passed them again. A different person was eyeing me up but this time, driven by curiosity, my attention was turned to the tiny lapel pinned to his shirt. On it was the wearer's name. Underneath, in almost microscopic lettering, were the words:

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

To the uninitiated, such a title or church name looks impressive. After all, as a believer in Jesus as my Saviour and a member of Ascot Life Church, a revamped Baptist Church in East Berkshire, am I not a latter-day saint myself? 

I immediately spoke before he could get a word in, my actual speech here in italics.

Oh, you're Mormons! I have visited your headquarters over at Utah.

(That is, in Salt Lake City.)

I then went on:

I'm already familiar with Joseph Smith and his finding of the golden tablets buried in New York State. (Actually, I should have said "golden plates").

Tell me, what has happened to those tablets? Why aren't they in a museum where they can be checked (for their authenticity) as well as to be seen by the public?

The Mormon looked as if a little too embarrassed to answer. He already knows that the reason why those plates would never be found at any museum, nor stored away at some secret vault, is because they were taken up to Heaven by an angel soon after Joseph Smith had finished with them. 

I only read the Bible, I said, and I don't read any back-up books (referring to the Book of Mormon, said to be written by Joseph Smith as a direct English translation of the golden plates, originally written in "Reformed Egyptian" - a language unknown to secular linguists, with him using a huge pair of oversized spectacles, known as Urim and Thummim, which was also taken up to Heaven!)

Carefully avoiding the words, I believe, which would have weakened my testimony, I then finished the conversation:

I know Jesus Christ as my Saviour. He died on the Cross so that he gives eternal life to anyone who believes. Sorry, I have to go. I have a train to catch.

I immediately began to regret cutting the talk short so quickly. I wished that I have emphasised his physical Resurrection from the dead, despite not fully knowing what the Mormon's view is of the death and Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Although I perhaps should have known. After all, I did visit their Headquarters in Salt Lake City. The site boasted the Temple, not open to the public, a choir auditorium which is open to visitors, and the Visitor's Center, which is a museum of the history and belief on the Mormon faith. Here and there were quotes from the Bible, but none on display from the Book of Mormon, which is held on equal terms by them as being the inspired Word of God, alongside the Bible itself. 

For the uninitiated, the history on which their whole faith rests can be taxing to the sane mind. The story goes that after trying out different Protestant churches across New York State and finding them all bickering against each other, Joseph Smith prayed to attend the right church. The answer he received back was quite extraordinary. He saw visions of disembodied spirits of two or three of the original apostles, along with an angel, who instructed him not to attend any of those churches, but instead to go to a certain site in the countryside with a spade and to dig up some golden plates and a huge pair of glasses, and to write in English what is written on the plates. The spectacles themselves will translate the text from "Reformed Egyptian" into English.

The story goes that during the Jewish exile from Babylon, around 600 BC, a group of them, known as Nephites, got into large boats and sailed the length of the Mediterranean and out into the Atlantic Ocean until they reached the continent of North America, and then built and settled into townships at was is now New York State. The leader of that community, Lehi, wrote on golden plates and had them buried for future posterity.

It 's a fascinating story. And despite that there is no archaeological evidence of any settlement dating back to that time in America, neither has any kind of "Reformed Egyptian" as a written language has ever been found on either the Old World or the New World alike. Furthermore, the ancient Jews had no history of being seafarers, and their language would have been Hebrew, possibly Aramaic as well, but certainly not Egyptian, reformed or whatever.

Joseph Smith has a Vision...

Yet these people I met in Reading, in Utah, as well as in my own apartment, all fully believed in these things and rested their eternities on such faith. To them, salvation is achieved through a combination of both faith and works: Faith in the atoning blood of Jesus Christ plus works in entering a covenant of baptism, constant repentance from sins, the partaking of the sacraments, and eternal marriage, the latter doesn't hold much hope for singles. All to earn and secure their own eternities.

Reading about the early Mormon settlers as they face persecution and then left to wander like nomads across the continent until finally settling in the State of Utah, they suffered for their faith. Even Joseph Smith, the founder of the movement, was martyred, calling curses on his persecutors rather than forgiveness, as both Jesus and Stephen did (Luke 23:34, Acts 7:60).

How such a story, lacking in any historical credibility, could convert someone to the point that he would suffer martyrdom, beats me. Yet they are convinced they are on the right path to reconciliation with God and surety of future sonship with him. This also reminds me of the stories told about Jehovah's Witnesses, another cult which has its origins in New York, putting themselves at risk of death in a hospital rather than accept a blood transfusion.

Massive family arguments had occurred in hospitals over this issue. There have been cases when the patient himself, often a child or an adolescent, would have consented to a transfusion. The doctors would have happily gone along with the youngster's consent, had it not been for the fierce opposition from his faithful parents or relatives. Conversely, there were many J.W. patients who have resisted a transfusion to the bitter end, despite pleading from both non-believing relatives and doctors alike. They are all convinced that whether breaking a Mormon covenant or disobeying the dictates of the Watchtower Society, any hope of salvation is lost.

But more than this, each of these followers is convinced that he is right and all others are wrong. It's not just a matter of holding on to the right doctrine, but also a heartfelt conviction. And I could say this about all religions. Whether Mormon, Jehovah's Witness, Roman Catholic, Islam, Buddhism, Hindu - all have a heart conviction from one degree to another that they are on the right path to God.

Therefore, it leaves me to ask: Where do I stand? Even in my own church at Ascot, I was told specifically by just one person that when I stand before the Throne of Judgement, I will cry out:

Lord, Lord, have I not prophesied in your name, and in your name cast out demons, and in your name done many wonderful works?

To which the Lord's reply:

I never knew you, depart from me all ye who work iniquity.

Matthew 7:21-23.

Not that I actually prophesied in public in his name, nor have I driven out any demons, at least as far as I know. And many wonderful works - what "wonderful works"? Nevertheless, I was branded as wicked by this same person. And remarkably enough, it was not because I denied the Lord, whether publicly or secretly. Rather it was because I don't act like a "proper British person" whatever that suppose to mean - oh yes, I hug other people in public, I also lack self reserve, I have a trembling lower lip instead of a stiff upper one, and, according to this guy, I'm not that well educated. In reality, he is not the only one. There are several other Christian men who know me well, from other churches, who also exclude me, for example, from such Facebook profile sharing, for precisely the same reasons. Therefore, there are times I tend to feel that I'm standing all alone.

But I'm not all alone! Far from it. How can I be assured that I'm in the "right religion"? How can I be assured that my relationship with God is healthy?

Daily reading of the Bible and getting to know the Bible thoroughly. Knowing that from the moment I believe, God the Judge imputes his righteousness, that is, the very righteousness of Jesus Christ, into my soul, quickening my spirit, regenerating me, making me a son of God. And once that stage is accomplished, it can never be reversed. It's God who does the saving and its God who does the keeping afterwards. No other religion teaches this! It's not taught in the Mormon faith, neither among Jehovah's Witnesses nor even in the Catholic faith. My trust is in God alone, but furthermore, at my church at Ascot, there are many who accepts me as a brother and a friend, share Facebook profiles, and asks me to pray with them. When it comes to men's fellowship dinners and socials, I'm normally invited. And in all, my hugs go down well with them.

Faith in Christ is the only way to God the Father. He himself said so. For example, John 14:6 says:

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

But there is much, much more than just this. Jesus is the only one who fulfils Old Testament prophecy. For example, he is foretold in Genesis 3:15, when, at the very dawn of history, a prophecy about the seed of the woman bruising the head of the serpent, is made, ushering the Promise, which remains unhindered right up to the Crucifixion. Other astonishing prophecies such as Psalm 22, where King David foretells about the agony of Christ on the Cross, being mocked by the crowd surrounding him, and the throwing of dice over his clothing.

And read Isaiah 52:13-15 and the whole of Isaiah 53, a prophecy about the servanthood and suffering of Jesus on the Cross. And Zechariah 9:9, where a prophecy of the Lord's triumphant entry is foretold, along with Zechariah 11:12-13, which is a foretelling of the thirty pieces of silver God is priced at. Other prophecies such as Job 19:25-27 Job cries out that he will see his Redeemer after his skin has decayed, long after his own death, yet in his flesh, he will see God, because he already knows that his Redeemer lives (that is, Resurrected from the dead). Indeed, Eternal Security of the Believer is not confined only to the New Testament! Rather, it's intricately linked with the resurrection of Jesus Christ of Nazareth from the dead.

These are great truths, wonderful truths, fascinating truths! Jesus himself had said:

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life. No man comes to the Father except through me.

Jesus Christ of Nazareth is actually the Truth himself, not merely the source of truth or the right doctrine. This I know, that trusting in Jesus Christ to save me is the only way to the Father. And with this comes forgiveness of all sins - past, present and future, imputed righteousness, and adoption into God's family, which includes fellowship with other Christian believers.

Abraham once said, I'm but dust and ashes. Genesis 18:27.

King David, in addressing Saul, admitted I am but a dead dog, a flea. 1 Samuel 24:14.

Isaiah cries out: Woe is me, I am undone. For I am a man of unclean lips... Isaiah 6:5.

Paul the Apostle writes: In me dwells no good thing, that is, in my flesh... Romans 7:18.

With such statements, coupled with my own life's experiences, I know full well that I'm no better than those quoted four. Yet these four men were some of the greatest men of God in human history. All had faith in God, and not in themselves.

That is why no Mormon can help me, nor any Jehovah's witness, nor any religion or faith that adds works of any kind to faith. Nor any faith, come to that, which insist that I must stay faithful in order to remain saved.

In me dwells no good thing, that is, in my flesh... It's impossible to add an iota of human effort to be saved or even to remain saved. It's all about God, his faithfulness, and his promise to keep everyone who believes.

Is My God Too Small?

I am now too afraid to travel.

Yes, you have read that right. I'm talking about travel, whether over a long distance across the UK or even abroad with my wife Alex. Or a more local trip alone by train across thirty miles to London or even just twelve miles to Reading. Indeed, what has happened within the last few years, and especially within the last six to twelve months? After all, as my regular readers are aware, I love to reminisce on my past journeys, whether it's a cycling trip to the coast, walking through the Medieval and Roman streets of Jerusalem Old City, Hiking the Grand Canyon or snorkelling over the Great Barrier Reef. Or how could I omit such an unforgettable moment when I stood at the foot of a waterfall as it cascades within the midst of a rainforest of Blue Mountains National Park?

One of several waterfalls I saw Down Under, 1997.

But now the very thought of travel is sending shivers down my spine. What is it which has transformed a spirited adventurer into a mass of quivering jelly?

Fear.

But fear of what? A heightened chance of harm? Being mugged and robbed? Even stabbed in the back? Or falling ill due to a bug or even a snake bite? Or breaking a bone in an accident? A need for hospital treatment while abroad? No, it's none of these. I was prepared to face such risks during my backpacking days, and praise to God, I managed to get off very lightly. Rather, it's the worsening of my wife's illness, despite her dependence on strong painkillers. 

Like the time a couple of weeks ago, when I was having a Cappuccino at Costa Coffee at our hometown of Bracknell. The mobile phone rang. It was a distress call from my wife, urging me to come home quickly. Fortunately, I was just a twenty-minute bike ride away from home. Once home, I found her on the sofa, her phone next to her, and unable to move. I managed to administer the medicines which were out of her reach, and by adjusting her position, successfully brought her out of her crisis without the need of an ambulance. But supposing I was in Reading or London when the phone call came through? With the need for train travel, there was no way I could arrive home in good time. There was no other alternative but for her to dial for Emergency Services Ambulance.

Sounds simple? Until she realises that she cannot get up to open the door for them. Yes, what then? The trouble is, there is no need for any kind of prompt to trigger such an attack. It is always imminent. And that is made worse by the fact that it is just us two living together. We have no offspring old enough to take action if their mother was to suffer an episode whilst I'm out. This is the terrible result of our society's brutal attitude towards a parent or both parents suffering from Asperger's Syndrome. This is a mental condition when the sufferer finds group socialisation difficult but has an obsession with a particular interest, maybe two or even three. Can you tell what my principal obsessions are? However, in our case, both of us are sufferers. And because of this, we lost our daughters through State intervention, to be adopted into another family.

Our eldest daughter is about to come of age. Unless she is enrolled for a university, she would have been a useful asset to our home. Even so, our second daughter, also being a teenager, would also have been very helpful in such a crisis. Our third daughter, although not yet a teen, would have still been old enough to contact Emergency Services. No doubt, the loss of our family through means of knowledge by the "experts" is a real and terrible loss indeed. Furthermore, such academia held by these professionals was originally written by psychiatrists and psychologists who have engaged in the Occult and held occultic connotations. I believe that to destroy a family without a proper justifiable reason is a wicked thing to do. I never believed that Asperger's Syndrome has any cause for our children to be taken. After all, history would reveal many parents with Asperger's and other disabilities who had successfully raised their children. 

I firmly believe that the loss of our beloved daughters for adoption, together with our being on the autism spectrum has been the dual-cause for my wife's illness. Back in 2013, she spent as long as four months as an inpatient at Royal Berkshire Hospital in Reading, after a series of gradually developing periods of a backache had finally taken away her capacity to stand upright and walk. Four months in hospital with the appropriate treatment has only partially restored her mobility to where a wheelchair is necessary for all outdoor trips. A now severe muscle-tightening backache comes and goes, and this is often caused by a physical jolt, the shaking of a vehicle such as a bus or a train, or by negative thought patterns, or even if she is in a happier mood.

Fortunately, I'm not ignorant of this issue, for I have studied it in a book written by a Christian doctor.* Formerly known as Psychosomatic Illness (meaning upset mind-sick body), it is easy for me to relate her present condition to the tragedy of losing our beloved daughters. Therefore it came as no surprise to me that after reading of the possibility of short supplies of medicine after Brexit as well as a possible takeover of the National Health Service by American private companies, the sheer anxiety she felt afterwards, resulted in a major episode where she not only suffered a severe backache but the tightening of her neck muscles causing a possibility of asphyxiation and her lips began to turn blueish. There was no other choice. The ambulance was called, which arrived promptly, as her threat of asphyxiation has put her as a First Grade category patient.

We spent much of a sleepless night in A&E. By the small hours, she was well enough to return home. I didn't get into bed until five o'clock in the morning. The following evening a friend called over the phone. Although an Arminian, he does have a genuine care for our welfare. He then kept rabbitting on about our overwhelming concerns about the news and current affairs. How are our concerns about the aftermath of Brexit has, according to him, obscured God from the reality of our lives? Simply because God is never acknowledged in the news. According to him, it's not enough to believe that Jesus is the Christ, and so I must keep on exercising my faith to experience any fullness of God. After several minutes of uninterrupted talk, I finally hinted for him to wind down. He seemed disappointed as if he had failed to edify me, and I put the phone down.

In other words, to him, salvation must be maintained by works. The snag with such a worldview is that the Arminian Christian can be prone to judging another person or group of people. In my case, my obsession with news about Brexit shows that according to my friend, I have little or no faith in God.

But could he be wrong, or misinformed?

Because while we were in the hospital, I leaned over Alex's gurney and prayed hard, saying that God is my refuge and strength, my rock, my fortress and a strong tower, into which the righteous run into and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10). I was convinced. It takes an occasion like this one to realise the powerful truth in those words. Before I thought about them, I was feeling very low, depressed and wallowing in self-pity. But when I declared aloud those words from my heart, over and over again, the depression lifted, and I felt far more hopeful.

The strong tower illustration is a good one for the name of God. During ancient times, the Canaanites, as well as Israel, had built walled cities which includes a thick-walled tower with a small doorway. When the city was under threat by an invading enemy army, the people of that city fled into the tower, and they were safe.

A tower in ancient Jericho, visited June 1976.

I do wonder, however, where is God in all this. Perhaps my friend over the phone has a point. I'm constantly living on a knife edge. I panic if her medicine runs low. There was even a case over two years ago when a female GP suggested for her to come off one of her main daily pills. When she arrived home, Alex burst into tears, leaving me to call on the prescription secretary at our surgery to explain that to come off this particular medicine would revive some of her previous symptoms, mainly of involuntary convulsions and further back pain as a direct result. The GP had not only rescinded on her intention but left our surgery altogether for another location, and my wife's medication continues as always. When I shared this with another church friend, he eventually asked me,
Where is your faith in God?

Oh, so easy for a man who is financially secure, has a healthy wife and healthy grown-up children. But for someone such as myself who had lost all three of his precious daughters for adoption, and to have his beloved so much younger, suffering a neurotic disorder which has no apparent cure - well, to have faith can be a little more challenging!

Therefore, if I were to say, as any spiritual-minded Christian would say - that I have full joy in the Lord - well, I wouldn't be telling the whole truth, would I? There are times when I literally tremble with fear of the future, like a boat which had lost its rudder, drifting aimlessly and without direction in the vast ocean. Then to hear on the news that a no-deal Brexit could jeopardise our medical supplies. Just thinking about Alex walking into a pharmacy for a renewed prescription, but instead receive an apology, causes me to tremble with fear. It really does. While all this is going on, there are Christians - yes, Christians, the ones who attend church each Sunday, who are also jumping up and down in rage over our Prime Minister's latest deal with the EU, bidding us to write letters to our MPs to vote down the deal in the Commons, and to go for a no-deal exit from the European Union.

Maybe my friend over the phone was right after all. It does look as though I am not the only one who lacks faith in God. It seems like most hard-core Brexiteers have no faith in him either, or else they wouldn't protest so loudly as they do. And it seems to them that leaving the European Union is far more important to them than the idea of Heaven and Hell, and for the sheer vanity of life under the sun as so well expressed by King Solomon. We are going to die. We are all going to die. There is no way of escaping this truth. Isn't it much more important to be concerned about other people's eternal state than to fuss over the sovereignty of England?

I could ask: Is my God too small? Is your God too small? Even Isaiah was faced with the dilemma:
Behold, The Lord's hand is not shortened, that he cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that he cannot hear...
Isaiah 59:1.

But the prophet answers his own question by listing the multitude of sins committed by the faithless. And really, none of us is less guilty. But seeing us in such a state, he sends his Son to make atonement for our own helplessness. And as the later verses of that same chapter foretells, this same Jesus will come again to rescue all believers and set up his throne in Jerusalem. Israel will then be the true sovereign nation, not England, which itself will be subjected to Israel. Brexiteers, do take note!

Jerusalem, 1994. One day England will be subject to its rule.

These are great promises we both can look forward to. But as I admit, at this moment it does feel as if God is too small, and his arm too short and his ears too dull to take any action. Yet history is filled with Christians who have suffered, imprisoned, and died for defending the truth of the Gospel. Maybe that's it. If I suffer the affliction of the body, my faith in God could well remain strong. But to watch my wife suffer an incurable neurotic illness afflicting her beyond any form of control, well that is another matter.

I need to grasp that well-known verse written by Paul to the Romans:
And we know that all things work together for good to them who love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Romans 8:28.

That means Alex's neurotic ailment and my care for her both play an important role in working for the good for us who loves God or wants to love him. Too often, the reality of life, the stormy ocean of the political world, huge tsunami-like waves battering the ship, and threatening to sink it, makes us forget that God has only to speak, and the waters will flee away, or as Jesus spoke to the storm over the Sea of Galilee, and the air had immediately become calm and the water smooth. Just by a command from God's mouth. The same can apply to our situation.

But instead, he allows these episodes to happen. Not because his arm is too short, but because these are lessons for us to learn to trust in him for physical as well as spiritual life and salvation of the soul. Chances are that God will not heal us on this side of the grave. But until we step over that line and enter into glory, God will use these experiences to make us a more Godly couple, strengthening our marriage bond and made partakers of his holiness.

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*Doctor S. I. McMillen, M.D. None of these Diseases, 1963, 1980, Lakeland Publications.