God's great and wonderful love. But is that how you perceive God? Or is he that Old Man in the sky, sporting a beard and having a truculent temperament, constantly watching intently over your life and recording every sin you commit, whether in thought or deed, in a huge book? If so, would it be easier to make him out to be the Flying Spaghetti Monster, knowing such a concept to be way too ridiculous to even consider factual?
And maybe, to consider God to be a Flying Spaghetti Monster seems far less threatening than any idea of an entity so holy that he just cannot look upon sin. And the snag is, I'm fully aware of my own sinfulness and no matter how hard I try, attempting to snap out of it by self-effort remains a hopeless endeavour.
I recall Tim and I walking along a stretch of the West Coastal Path in Dorset, less than a year after I married Alex (and still unaware that she was a couple of weeks pregnant!) In front was a mud pool, left after a night of torrential rain. Without thinking, I leapt over the mud pool until I was on firm ground on the other side of it.
Did I have a phobia against mud pools? Do I still? Even at that moment, I had to think back before I was able to explain to Tim why I reacted in the way I did.
I recall watching a Western as a boy with Dad. On the small monochrome TV screen, I stared aghast at the villain as he stepped onto a patch of quicksand as he was chased by the hero. He immediately began to sink into the pasty ground, screaming and struggling as he disappeared entirely beneath the surface and apparently drowned. I then asked,
Papa, does quicksand really exist? To which he answered, Yes, it does, but failed to add, but not in this country.
Not long after this, our primary school class boarded a school bus to either Richmond Park or Wimbledon Common, as we did every Wednesday morning, except when it's raining. As we walked along, I stepped into a mud pool, and although I didn't sink into it, the suction by the combination of water and mud held my feet down and I was stuck. I was terrified and began to panic until one of the teachers helped me out.
This adversity of mud pools remains deep in the subconscious well into adult life, and maybe not realise it's there until I happen to come across such a ground surface. I guess it was the same as my perception of God. Having grown up in a Catholic family, it was during the early teens when I had to learn the complicated process in trying to get to Heaven after death. There was no guarantee, no assurance, being constantly reminded of my sin, the need for repeated confession to the priest, the need for penance following confession, to regularly partake in the sacraments, mainly the Eucharist, and to learn by heart key prayers such as the Lord's Prayer and more important, the Act of Contrition and the Hail Mary. Get the words wrong and God won't like that. Furthermore, no matter how faithful I am, there is still Purgatory, a temporary Hell where the devotee has all remaining sins expunged before he can enter Heaven.
Having the need to pray to Mary, the "Mother of God" adds further discredit to the character of Jesus Christ, giving the impression that he is constantly irate by our shortcomings and therefore the need of a Mediatrix to plead to him on my behalf. Such builds into the subconscious. Then as a final stroke, to die with one unconfessed mortal sin in my soul would mean an eternity spent in Hell, no matter how devoted to the Church I had been throughout life.
The end result? A slide into atheism which dominated the rest of my teenage years. And the attitude of my late Dad. He always wanted a daughter, one who would have grown up bright enough to attend University. Instead, he had a son whose intelligence fell short of the two rather bright brothers who lived two doors away. The son's perception of God is always reflected in his father's attitude. If Dad wasn't that pleased with me, neither was God either.
Therefore, it took a long time after conversion to undo what I have learned and to learn the truth of God's love. Yet the truth of God's love is well reflected by who I am and we are - made in the image of God.
For example, the sense of taste. Indeed, the science of the taste buds on the tongue, the nerve endings which determines the chemical composition of each food chewed and thus sent via nerves to the brain, such a demonstration that eating is meant to be a pleasure, a gift God delights to give. Maybe children living at the time of Christ may have received a fish or an egg as a gift from their fathers, the equivalent is a bar of chocolate or a bag of sweets today. I recall watching a classmate enjoying a bar of chocolate as enviable to the rest of us young children.
Yea, I know, like with any child, food has to look appealing before it can be enjoyed. The fat of meat looked very unappealing, so I never touched it. Could this be a subconscious warning that meat fat is bad for me? Or anything with a bad or bitter taste is spat out? A warning against poisoning? Part of self-preservation? However, unlike many other kids, I always loved Brussel sprouts but cringed at the sight of garlic and onions. Yet a plate of spaghetti bolognese? Hmm! Anytime! Such proof that our Heavenly Father delights in giving us good things.
The universally of God's love makes me ask whether enemies of God, especially in the Old Testament, such as Goliath, the Philistine giant who challenged and defied the armies of Israel, when off-duty, sat and enjoyed a good feast with his family or friends. And all the evil kings who wanted to destroy Israel, such as Sihon king of the Amorites, Eglon king of Moab, Og king of Bashan to name just three, and all their troops numbering multiple thousands. Why is it so difficult for me to believe that during their lifetimes God gave all of them good things, food to delight their taste buds and to nourish their bodies and drink, whether water or even sweet wine to satisfy their thirst. And thinking of Ahab king of Israel and his wife Jezebel, the evil queen who worshipped Baal and wanted Elijah killed. Yet how she must have tenderly breastfed her newborn daughter Athaliah and ensured that she was well taken care of by her servants. Not to mention a life of royal feasts enjoyed by the couple.
As a Christian, I still find how God's love for the unbelieving world can be so plausible, yet he sends rain to both the just and to the unjust, the good and bad alike. And the breath of life, including the involuntary heartbeat and digestion, the immune system, the genome in the nucleus of each cell, the intricate machines made of molecules producing protein each on the microscopic scale. The DNA, the RNA, the nucleotides, the double helix and all other components which make the cell function properly, would have kept the likes of Goliath, Og, Sihon, Eglon, Ahab and Jezebel alive and healthy, as well as Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, David, and Isaiah alive and well. God's love is universal.
And the beauty of our planet, which according to the Bible, is meant to bring the human heart to the reality of God's creation. True enough, in a fallen world, much of the intricate beauty which existed before the Fall, even up to the Flood, is lost, but God did not leave our planet resembling Hell either.
Certain descendants of Ham, the son of Noah, were, for example, the first to arrive into the North American Continent long before any white settlers arrived. I wonder how they thought when they discovered the vast, awesome chasm of the Grand Canyon, also the thundering Niagara Falls, along with other dynamic beauty such as what is now the Yosemite National Park within the majestic glory of the Rockies, the Kings Canyon National Park, perhaps the intimidating geyser at the Yellowstone National Park, and other stunning locations. Did they gasp in wonderment, giving glory to the God who made all these?
God's love for all of us - the saved and for the unsaved - is universal, and perhaps much deeper and stronger love than I or anyone else would expect. It's the reality of this love which I still need to grasp, instead of pondering whether he loves me at all. I wonder how I could be so blind at times. The very breath of life passing through my nostrils is sustained by God. Yet there are times when I worry about sin in my life without the full realisation that all my sins have already been paid for by Jesus Christ when he died on the cross.
And I read about the life a Christian should live. Devotionals without number have been written over the years, and even formulas have been thought up to aid with our walk with God. One formula I have never forgotten was dreamt up by Bill Hybels of Willow Creek Church in Chicago, which consist of ACTS, which is an acronym for Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplements. It's a catchy formula which was published in one of his devotionals, but unfortunately, very little of it is heard or read about at present, a phenomenon which allowed me to question its validity. And I'll be honest with myself, to pray within such an inflexible structure hasn't proven successful or enduring. But with some flexibility, it could still be a good source of prayer guidance.
This is a time in my life when I had to endure two weeks of self-isolation after being told that my beloved wife was tested positive for Coronavirus. I felt devastated, with my faith in God stretched to the limit. Why us? As still a minority of the entire UK population affected, why us?
That's when the reality of God's love kicks into reality. Eternal Security - Once Saved Always Saved. Such a truth is vital for our situation!
Are you driving a car or soaring into the sky in an aeroplane?
Christians who think that a believer can lose his salvation if he doesn't hold faithful is driving the car. In theological circles, such Christians are known as Arminians, where salvation can be retained or lost by the choice of lifestyle the believer makes. To them, each believer must himself overcome the world if he's going to be saved. It's rather like driving a car - making sure that he is on the right road, following the direction signs, negotiating carefully to avoid a collision, stopping at red lights and waiting for the green signal. And the law is constantly upon him. One breach of the law and he gets a ticket, a Court order. Or if he ends up in an accident, it's not to his original destination he'll end up, but at a hospital, even a mortuary. In such a scenario, what the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ had accomplished is that where before he couldn't get anywhere at all, he now receives a car by grace - but it's up to him to negotiate his way to Heaven by remaining faithful and overcoming the pitfalls he will face.
I once heard that up to every believing Christian who ends up committed to an institution or psychiatric hospital, up to 88% are Arminians. Indeed, to live under such responsibility must be quite burdensome, especially if one is struggling with a specific sin. Yet there are many leaders, evangelists and preachers who are alumni from top theological colleges who teach all this.
Then there are those like myself, perhaps known as moderate Calvinists, who believe that once saved always saved, that because he is born from above through faith in Christ and as such, a new creation and adopted into God's family as a co-heir with Christ, he cannot lose his salvation. That is, his free gift of salvation is eternal, with Jesus doing all the overcoming himself, having taken all our sins upon Himself on the cross, and afterwards by His resurrection, overcame death for us all.
That is likened with soaring into the sky in an aeroplane. The passenger enjoys the flight with absolutely nothing to do to aid in the flight, as the pilot does all the work. Instead, the passenger can look out of the window and watch the wispy clouds above him and the contours of the coast far below, where the land meets the sea. Or gaze at the cumulus clouds below, glowing bright white beneath him, knowing that rain is falling onto the earth below. Just as the pilot does all the work, so likewise, the believer gives all the credit and praise to God through faith in Jesus Christ.
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| We flew over the Kent coast on our way to Kos, Greece, 2011. |
These are very difficult times, moments of hopelessness and despair. But to trust in the Living God whose love for us has put Jesus Christ onto the cross to redeem us, can be a wonderful tonic when going through such troublesome times.
