Travel Biography - Week 119.

A Lifelong Review and Two Remarkable Visions.

All photos here are of Stoneleigh Bible Festival 1999, where Alex arrived to spend a day together.

My travelling career began in 1972 when I flew to Spain with a college friend. At 19 years old, that was the first time I travelled overseas without my parents. It was also the first time in my life I boarded an aeroplane -  since my father was a caraholic and drove everywhere, even to Italy in the 1960s and right up to 1971 - which, at 18 years old, was the final year I travelled with my parents and my younger brother - hence, I have never flown with the family to this day. 

In 1972, I was there in Spain with a college friend free from parental supervision. But I felt empty and lost within. This was due to my former girlfriend, Sandra, after a whole year together, terminating our relationship just a few months earlier in April of that year. As a consequence, the easy availability of cheap Spanish wine left me sleeping in the hotel bathtub and soaked in my own vomit during one night of that holiday. Since 1972, I never gone on another package holiday until the year 2007.

My Christian conversion in December 1972 changed everything, including travel. In 1973, just a year after that Spanish experience, I was backpacking alone overseas for the first time. By visiting the ancient ruins of Pompeii, my interest in Roman and other ancient cultures began, and among other things including my first visit to Israel in 1976, I enjoyed a knowledge explosion without ever seeing the inside of a university. Travel itself became one of my tutors.

But as for a girlfriend, I had nobody throughout the years that followed 1972. As a long-term singleton, there were times of loneliness, boredom, frustration and financial hardship, especially after losing my full-time job as an engineer in 1979 and having to go self-employed. As a result, my life of travel, especially long-haul, was in two distinct eras - the seventies, from 1972 to 1978 inclusive, and again, from 1993 to the year 2000. During the nineties especially, I remained a committed singleton and prioritised my love for travel, both here in the UK and abroad, over wanting to marry.

Alex at my tent in Stoneleigh 1999.

Stoneleigh 1999.

At the grounds, Stoneleigh

The seven years that characterised the nineties were what followed a remarkable vision I had while I was up on a ladder one autumn, cleaning a customer's bedroom window. It was a prophetic vision of Jerusalem, with me standing on the Mount of Olives and praying over the Old City. From that moment onwards, everything changed. While before, I was struggling financially, with even a day trip to the seaside seen as a luxury, from that morning on, I was able to save up enough to cover my second trip to Israel, including airfare, accommodation costs, and spending funds, ten months later in 1993.

From the day I took off to Tel Aviv, the second seven-year Travel era began. Following that, I returned to Israel a year later in 1994 as a volunteer at a Christian Conference Centre in Isfiya, near Haifa. It was while I was gazing down at Jerusalem Old City from the Mount of Olives one afternoon, that I had another vision similar to the first one in October 1992. This time, I saw myself flying to New York to backpack America specifically to revisit the Grand Canyon after a camera failure resulted in disappointment during my first visit in 1978.

Just by sharing a hostel bedroom with an Australian backpacker in San Diego in 1995, the idea of visiting Australia two years later in 1997 was conceived. And so, in May of that year, the aeroplane I was in soared into the sky on its way to Singapore, a 5-day stopover on the journey to Australia, with the Great Barrier Reef as the star attraction.

I was watched while I was totally unaware.

But behind the scenes, something else was happening. A family with three young daughters, two of them in their late teens, attended the same church as me. I took no notice of them, but one of their daughters, Alexandra by name, noticed me, attracted by my long hair - a feature I had since I was seventeen and still have to this day. But at the time, nothing transpired. Alex was underage, and I was already in my forties. Besides, my heart was set on the coming 1997 Round-the-World, the greatest experience any traveller could wish for, and within the narrow window of opportunity before both the 9/11 disaster and currency inflation restricting such travel to the privileged.

Therefore, on the day I took off to Singapore that year, Alex was already watching me from a distance. On one occasion, shortly before take-off, after a service ended, I thought I overheard her father say to her that I should be left alone to backpack Australia. But I didn't give any more thought to that conversation.

Soon after I had returned from the Round-the-World experience, I was offered a lift by a fellow church member to spend a day at Stoneleigh Bible Festival 1997, near the city of Coventry. 

The couple in Love.

Festive spirit.

Members of our church at Stoneleigh 1999.

An Invite to Sunday Lunch.

1997 gave way to 1998, with its three short breaks - Hadrian's Wall, New York/Boston, and the attempted cycle ride to Llangollen in Wales. Sometime after returning home from Llangollen and Chester, I was invited to the home of Derek and Barbara along with another church friend, Daniel, who shared the Hadrian's Wall hiking experience with Tim earlier in the year.

The occasion was just a social over lunch, nothing more. Daniel's invitation, to me, was nothing more than further company to enrich the occasion. The conversation was mostly between Derek and Dan, as the two had something similar in common. Dan was a financial advisor while, at the time, Derek worked for Tim, an accountant who also accompanied us along Hadrian's Wall.

After lunch, Derek settled for a conversation with Dan while Alex approached me to ask whether I would accompany her to a copse of trees cornering a field which was just across the road. I was rather surprised at her gesture, but I agreed to go along with her, apparently with her parent's blessing. Later, I returned home feeling rather surprised by that afternoon's events.

As the weeks went by, there were occasions when I returned home from work to find a bar of chocolate posted through the door along with the mail. This occurred several times. On another Sunday, Derek approached me with an offer of some drinking tumblers he was giving away. Alex then arrived, by herself, to deliver the glasses. I invited her in, and she stayed with me in my apartment for quite a long time before returning home. Back then, I never considered any relationship, as our age gap was too wide, and she was still underage. I recall saying that I wasn't ready for any relationship but agreed to be friends.

All these things were occurring while I was planning my next Round-the-World backpacking trip, this time to South Africa, Australia, possibly New Zealand, and although I was already very familiar - California, or elsewhere in the Americas. One Saturday, I took a train to London to visit the Trailfinders travel agent in Kensington High Street to collect the latest magazine which contained details of RTW trips on offer, and began to lay down my plans.

Alex called at my apartment several times. She was approaching her 18th birthday in the late summer of 1999. The year 1998 passed after an uneventful Christmas with the family, and Alex was committed to seeing me frequently in 1999. During that time, our affection for each other began to grow, and I finally got around to having a relationship despite our huge age difference.

It was the Spring of 1999, and I arrived at a crossroads. What was it to be? Travel or Marriage? While she was in my apartment one Sunday afternoon, I took the Trailfinders magazine, deliberately tore it in front of her, binned it, and then sat next to her on the sofa. Sitting by her, I proposed, and she accepted. During the Easter weekend of 1999, Alex, with a few others, was baptised in water at our church. It was then that I announced to the congregation that we were engaged to be married, much to the surprise of some.

Just a note here. In bygone years, when I attended what was then Bracknell Baptist Church, I watched some graduates in our singles group pair up with their girlfriends. Some of these graduates already had girlfriends they met at university, and living in other parts of the UK, they often turn up to spend weekends or days with their boyfriends. Hence, one of our elders was a self-made chaperone who, at times, acted more like a gooseberry whilst the two were together. The chaperone himself was married and had children. If the ladylove arrived to spend the weekend together, the chaperone always insisted on offering his spare bedroom for her (or him) to spend the night. The majority happily complied. But on one occasion, one young man told his elder in no uncertain terms to mind his own business. Instead, he insisted that his girlfriend slept in his own apartment, although in a separate bed.

But as for us, Alex and me, there was no chaperone around in our church at Ascot. Throughout our courting days, we were left to ourselves, and she spent much of her time in my apartment. It was no surprise that one or two of the old boys who were chaperoned looked at us with disdain!

Members of our church, Stoneleigh 1999.

Reflection on the River Avon, Stoneleigh.

Reflections on the River Avon, Stoneleigh.

At Stoneleigh Bible Festival, 1999.

Although Alex and I were engaged to be married, travelling on my own wasn't yet over. There was one more holiday that I would be taking on my own before we stood at the altar. This was to be in two halves. The first week was to be at Stoneleigh Bible Festival, and I'll be having my own tent among other tents and caravans owned by members of Ascot Baptist Church. The tent was a recent acquirement that I bought secondhand from a window cleaning customer just a couple of weeks earlier. The second week would be a solo hike across the Lake District from Kendal to Keswick, and staying in YHA hostels along the way. But more of that next week.

I was on my own throughout most of that week in Stoneleigh except for one day in the middle of the week. That day was one when a small group from our church arrived to spend the day with us, just as I spent the day at Stoneleigh two years earlier in 1997. Among this group of day visitors was Alex, who ran towards me and embraced me. We spent the whole day together, including attending seminaries and strolling together around the grounds. We even enjoyed some privacy in the tent before she left with the rest of the day's visitors to return home.

At the end of the week, we all packed our caravans and tents as all the churches throughout the camp were preparing to return home. But not me. Instead, one of my church friends offered to give me a lift to Coventry Station, just over five miles away. It was where I would be dropped off in readiness to board a train to Kendal, around 170 miles (273 km) northwards from Stoneleigh.

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Next Week: The final lone Hike and the last of Hostelling.

Sex - So Controversial...

A long-standing friend and I stood at the window of a bar overlooking an indoor climbing gym. At that point he told me about a rebuke he received from a church elder on one of their evening meetings. As expected, it was over the issue of greeting each other with hugs instead of a stiff handshake. I asked him whether my name was mentioned. His answer was yes, the issue was between him and me. This particular case made it more of an annoying issue because I was not present to defend my case nor his, since these Sunday evening meetings were geared more for students and other people generally young enough to be my grandchildren.

In my annoyance I announced that all this began from a complaint made by the son of another one of our church members, and I told my friend directly that this young man, who is no longer with us, is in the closet. Hence all this palaver about such intimacy "spoiling the imagery of our church among unbelievers" and "to be to the likes all men" are so nonsensical and hypocritical. My friend defended his case by saying that hugging is the norm within African churches, as for some years he spent months doing missionary work, which included installing an electric power generator over a local stream, and making possible the building of a hospital. How the elder responded to such an answer I was not told.

The conversation continued about his own experience on how other college-age singletons had admitted to him about their struggles on sexual libido and fetishes when aroused by the appearance of someone of the same gender. His testimony backs my experience in encountering men who may appear godly and devoted to God on the outside but struggle secretly within when another good-looking fellow is in the same room. And too afraid or reluctant to share to others in case this may bring judgement, condemnation and possible feelings of rejection.

And my friend at the bar should know this well. There are some African nations with a Christian constitution where homosexuality is illegal and offenders can receive a death penalty. One good example is Uganda. On You-Tube, you can click on a video about a British presenter Scott Mills, himself openly gay, and investigating on why there is a high level of homophobia in Uganda along with such a fear of the death penalty. His findings has shown that the three main sources of homophobia were the churches, the Government, and politicians. Echoes of Westboro Baptist Church in Kansas and its late radically homophobic pastor, Fred Phelps, who enjoyed displaying street placards condemning homosexuals to hell, along with the rest of the USA for tolerating it. With such hatred and with many cases of physical abuse, even murders, it's no surprise that even here in the UK, known for its easier and liberal stance on the matter, people are still too much afraid to leave their tightly-shut closets.

 Scott Mills rebuked by a homophobic church leader in Uganda 

And despite of all this, hugging is as natural as it can get in African churches. And as my friend knows it, we hug each other often. And he is a married man with two daughters, just as I too am married and fathered three daughters. And to add to this, it's often a case of him desiring a hug from me as well as me from him. And about a year ago there was a case of an African visitor, himself a married man with children, who after getting acquainted with me, gave me a prolonged rib-crushing embrace, which took place within view of the English church complainer whose son is a secret gay. Not surprisingly, after remarking about the reluctance among Brits to display such emotion, this black charismatic character soon left our church for another fellowship elsewhere. Without doubt, I guess he was firmly rebuked, which prompted him to leave. 

It is within me to hug other men in the church, whether they are married or single. However, I have a greater caution about hugging women, in case of offending, although there are some women I do hug. But these I know well enough not to take offence. Nevertheless, among countless man-to-man hugs over four decades, only one complained to the elders, which eventually led me to conclude that he is in the closet. And that is without ever suspecting his fetishes whilst he was still with us. And as I have already mentioned, he is by no means alone. There are a number of others found in churches whose libidos clashes with their Christian faith, and therefore struggle in their conflicts.

Yet I know where my elders are coming from. They'll be the first to quote Leviticus 20:13:-

If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them has done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Paul the apostle backs this up when he wrote to the Romans:-

Because of this (idolatry), God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations with unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty (STD? AIDS?) for their perversion.

Romans 1:26-27.

So hugging is condemned! Or is it? Is there a difference between greeting someone with a hug and a scene resembling this:-

Before (Lot and his two guests) had gone to bed, every man from every part of the city of Sodom - both young and old - surrounded the house. They called to Lot, "Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so we can have sex with them" (or, we may know them - KJV). 

Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him and said, "No, my friends. Don't do this wicked thing. Look, I have two daughters who had never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don't do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof."

"Get out of our way," they replied. And they said, "This fellow came here as an alien, and now he wants to play the judge! We'll treat you worse than them." They kept bringing pressure on Lot and moved forward to break down the door. But the men reached out and pulled Lot back into the house and shut the door.

Genesis 19:4-10.

And so by hugging another man to greet him in church places me onto the same platform as these inhabitants of the city of Sodom, according to my elder's perception. Or for short, I can be classed as a sodomite! Incredulous. No, I don't believe this. Because even then there is a world of a difference between those Sodomites and these Christian believers who are struggling with their sexual orientation, their fetishes, and their libidos. And so the Christian singleton who totally abstains from any sexual contact even from his girlfriend or fiancee, he is praised by his colleagues as living a holy life, while at the same time his friend, who has a desire for another man standing nearby, is not only wondering whether he has ever been regenerated or not, but lives in fear of discovery and judgement. The snag is, the "spiritually pure" hetero who is engaged to be married and is perceived as living in godliness, is not necessarily free from a sudden rush of blood if he glances at another pretty female standing nearby.

And where heterosexuality is concerned, there has always this perception within churches that to cohabit outside marriage is wrong and sinful. No, I am not advocating cohabitation. But I am rather surprised, and somewhat relieved too, by not seeing a chaperone whenever a church member pairs off with a girlfriend and start to deepen their relationship. Am I being cynical here? In the church I attended between 1975 and 1990, there was a deacon who was a self-appointed chaperone and always interfered whenever a young man, normally a graduate, gets friendly with a similarly aged female. Fortunately for Alex and myself, there was no chaperone to interfere with us before we married, since this was long after I left that church. Therefore we did cohabit for a few months before we married, including having sex. When a member of my former church - who was chaperoned along with his future partner before they were married - found out about us living together without a wedding ring on our fingers, he got quite cross about it.

He began to lecture me about sex being reserved for married couples only. He then blushed as he attempted to splutter out the second chapter of Genesis. As he was blushing, I could almost see the accusing finger of God pointing at him rather than at me. The reason for this was simple. He was, and still is, a staunch evolutionist, and therefore denied the historicity of pre-Abrahamic Scriptures and in effect calling God a liar. Little wonder if I were to say to any unchurched:- Cohabitation without getting married is against my religion - I would put anyone off seeking faith in God, and be a slippery path towards atheism.

The way I see it, this is rather a delicate subject. Especially when I read things in the Bible, particularly in the Old Testament. For example, Abraham slept with at least one woman aside his own wife Sarah. He slept with Hagar, who gave birth to Ishmael. Then his grandson Jacob was a bigamist, for he married both Leah and Rachel within a week of each other. And I doubt whether any church at present would endorse bigamy. Then there is the case of King David. And here I read something of specific interest. Yes, we all agree that David sinned against God when he slept with Bathsheba, because she was the wife of another man, Uriah the Hittite, a soldier for Israel who was very loyal to David. But what Nathan had to say in judgement to the King I find interesting:-

This is what the Lord the God of Israel, says:

"I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master's house to you, and your master's wives into your arms. I gave you the house of Israel and Judah. And if all this has been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord  by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own.

2 Samuel 12:7-10.  

The issue here is that God gave Saul's wives and concubines to David. So apparently David did not sin against God when he slept with all these women. Instead, this was in keeping with Middle Eastern culture and tradition - for a king or rich aristocrat to have a harem of concubines. King David had ten concubines, according to 2 Samuel 15:16 and 20:3. This was perfectly normal. In fact, Jesus himself used the same Middle Eastern custom in his Parable of the Ten Virgins to illustrate the Kingdom of God (Matthew 25:1-13). They were all virgins. Five were wise, five foolish. When the king arrived, he took in the five who were readily available to form his son's harem. They were distinguished from the son's actual bride, the king's legal daughter in law.

So with all I can perceive, it is sinful to lie with another man's wife. And this applies to divorce, about which Jesus says that anyone who marries a divorcee commits adultery (Luke 16:18). Apparently, as God sees it, a divorcee is still married to the former spouse. So according to Jesus' words, to marry someone divorced is to commit adultery. And becomes even worse than that. All the guy has to do is look at a woman lustfully and his has committed adultery with her already in his heart (Matthew 5:27-28). I suppose this could apply to someone who has a fetish for someone of the same gender:- I say to you, if any man looks lustfully at another man, he has committed sodomy with him in his heart already. Little wonder any Christian with this problem struggles and often falls away.

And this whole matter seems grossly unfair. A man looks at a woman with lust and he is condemned, even if he does nothing to her. Then we read of David having ten concubines, any one of them welcomed to his bed. Or how about David's son Solomon, perhaps the most wise king throughout all history. Not only had he impressed the Queen of Sheba with his wisdom but managed to get a thousand wives and concubines into his bed! That is one woman each night for three years (1 Kings 11:1-4). It is worth noting here that Solomon married and slept with foreign women, those who were not of Israel. Solomon's sin was allowing himself to be led astray into idolatry. If he had kept his harem within the realm of Israeli women, more likely he would have stayed true to God, and the splitting of the nation between Israel and Judah which followed his death might have been avoided.

It's so messy, coming to think of it. So controversial. Here is Abraham, Jacob, David and Solomon sleeping around rather freely. Even Jesus used the harem in one of his parables. Then come to the present, and we see the church judging any believer or member having sex outside of marriage. Really, as one of the guilty party myself, where do I stand?

And it's here where the Gospel comes in. Gospel simply means Good News. Very good news indeed. Because as Paul also wrote to the church in Rome, all one has to do is believe in his heart that God raised Jesus physically from the dead and confess him as the Messiah, the Son of God, and he will be saved (Romans 10:9-13). This is the promise of God, that his salvation is open to all believers, regardless of his background or what he has done. Whether a married man faithful to his wife or a pimp with prostitutes or a homosexual out on a cruise - salvation is open to all.

Open to all who believes in his heart the Resurrection of Jesus. He who believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God - 1 John 5:1. The Death, Burial and Resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth regenerates the heart, the threefold revelation brings new desires, which includes a new spirit which cannot sin, and the ability to turn away known sin. But not out of compulsion or legalism. Nor for the fear of punishment. Rather, by the gradual replacement of old, sinful desires with good, God-honouring wishes. The work of grace.