Hope of Answered Prayer?

Any regular reader of this blogger page has most likely read last week's post. It was about making a hasty decision during a moment of mental and emotional weakness to mistakenly open a bank credit account. 

Just to recap:

After making an online purchase, the Bank contacted me over the phone that my account was targeted by a fraudster. Immediately I jumped on my trusty bicycle and pedalled into town. At the Bank, the fraud was verified as having occurred. Although the immediate problem was quickly resolved, I was emotionally wretched. And the advisor who fixed the problem then homed in on my vulnerability by launching a sales pitch of the wonders of having a credit account, with which I would be protected from any future fraudulent transactions. After quite a bit of computer keyboard tapping, a foolscap was printed out on which I signed at the bottom. It was soon afterwards I was handed the Terms and Conditions on a document thick enough to impress any civil servant.

But within the many wording, towards the back was a small paragraph informing me that I had an opt-out clause to close the account, which comes into force for two weeks after receiving the card, which itself took up to a week for it to arrive.

While I was walking along the High Street, I immediately began to regret what I have done - to offer myself as a slave to my new master, one who would have control over our joint bank account, willingly lending us money, followed by a demand to pay back with interest. In other words, to be in constant debt, something I have carefully avoided for nearly two decades.

I found myself praying in the street. I wasn't conscious of anyone looking on, neither did I care less if I had attracted anyone's attention. I made my way to Costas. There in the coffee bar, I sat alone at a small table, a large cappuccino in front of me, my face buried in both my palms, praying. Confessing to God of my error, my mistake in making such a rash decision. Praying for release from the burden. It was after arriving home and having read the Terms and Conditions, was when I discovered the opt-out clause. On the same day my card had arrived, I turned up at the Bank and cancelled the Agreement and closed the account. Oh, what relief! 

Again at Costas, I sat with another cappuccino. I was thanking God and praising Him this time. I looked out from the shopfront window. The world looked far more cheerful, like a spring in the step. Although the scene was as it always been, with passing pedestrians populating the traffic-free thoroughfare - singles, couples, families, groups, an occasional dog perhaps, yet there was this liberating feel about the environment. The sense of joy. The sense of freedom, like an ex-convict released from prison and heading home.

Today, the final letter had arrived from the Bank, confirming that my account is now closed and with instructions to destroy the card. Up to the present I have kept the card for use for any possible reference or correspondence. But now, what pleasure it was when I took a pair of scissors and cut the card up into four pieces! 

Exactly like I did nearly two decades ago. I cut up the old credit card then. But the reason for this was slightly different. My beloved was pregnant with our first daughter. I did not want her to grow up in a household ridden with debt. Such an environment would not be ideal for any of our children. Therefore my wife and I agreed that if we need anything, whether it's groceries, a household utensil or piece of furniture, or a holiday abroad, we will always make sure we had enough to pay for it before purchase.

I believe that my opinion on this matter is Biblical. For example, Proverbs 22:7 says,

The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is a slave of the lender.

Also Proverbs 22:26-27:

Be not one of those who give pledges, who put up security for debts. If you have nothing with which to pay, why should your bed be taken from under you?

And Romans 13:8:

Owe no one anything except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

This is one of the benefits for a believer in Jesus Christ. It's impossible to live a perfect life, without making mistakes or bad decisions. But God is so willing to forgive and to make restoration for any error made. This reminds me of an old soap powder advert that used to be shown on TV. It featured a mother warmly welcoming her son back home with his shirt smeared with mud after some rough play outside. All smiles and not a single scolding, the soiled shirt was put into a washing machine and hey presto, it comes out not only clean but with incandescent whiteness. The boy puts it back on and then dashes back outside to resume his game with his mates.

Whether all mothers are as patient and so understanding as this one was, I cannot say. But at least back in those days, boys were boys. Rough play was part and parcel of growing up, to prepare them for the tough world as adults. It's a good likeness to Christian living. To take the knocks life throws at us. And indeed we can return to our Heavenly Father with mud on our shirts, our knees grazed, a bruise on our arm, and not only would he cleanse the shirt to the level of incandescence, but also heal our injuries too. I have wondered whether the old soap powder ad was a good illustration for the struggling Christian.

If only.

Some prayers are answered quickly, often with human cooperation, such as the rectifying of the credit account decision. Yet others seem to hit a brick wall. The case of my wife's health is a case in point. Prayer upon prayer has been offered for her healing and restoration. Not only from me but from my inlaws, along with members of our fellowship, including our Elders. We have been praying for years but have never seen her restored to her youthful health, the sprinting athlete who I met, married and had children. Instead, I have watched her health slowly deteriorate over the years, first with backache, then with spells of seizure, then immobilisation which confines her to a wheelchair while outdoors, and now with breast cancer too, which required a mastectomy and ongoing chemotherapy. Where is God in all this?

Yet an incident occurred this week while I was out with a friend and church elder. When I arrived home, I found my beloved in a seizure with her arm shaking involuntarily. Unable to wake her, I had no other option than to dial 999. She was rushed to Frimley Park Hospital where previously she had her mastectomy. At A&E, she was treated with Diazepam to calm her involuntary movement and also with antibiotics to eliminate any threat of infection which, due to her chemo treatment, could turn septic, therefore life-threatening. She was kept in overnight to be seen by the Oncology team on the next day. It was discovered that a hard plastic securing clip fixed onto her percutaneous catheter was irritating the skin surrounding where the tube enters her body through her affected arm. It was the continuous and rather intense pain which led to her seizure.

The hard-plastic clip was replaced with one made with a softer material. It made all the difference and she was allowed to go home. Yet the Consultant wasn't fully satisfied with her condition. He wanted us to return for a scan to ensure there is no blood clotting around her catheter. However, when the scan was carried out the day after, a clot was located, which means she has to take a dose of Dalteparin Sodium subcutaneously each day for the next three months. That means that during those weeks it's up to me to give my beloved her daily injection.

Although there are times when God is so far away when it comes to Alex's health, I can't help sensing that finding her in a seizure after arriving home was an act of God's presence and mercy. Because, if the clot was to dislodge and flow freely through her bloodstream and even enter her coronary artery, she could suffer from cardiac arrest. This, of course, is just a guess on my part, but one based on true stories I heard of very similar causes of death.

If all this is true, then God has always been with us during the whole experience dating back to 2012 (when her periodic backache started to escalate). The fact that God doesn't heal by the one command will always remain a mystery, even though Jesus told his disciples to heal the sick as part of the Great Commission, after his Resurrection. But this I have come to realise: God answers prayer if following his will and not necessarily ours.

Looking back over the last few years, I have come to realise that caring for my wife is indeed part of Christian growth, which involves character-building. The timing of all this coincides well with retirement from paid work as a self-employed window cleaner. The truth is - there is no such thing as Christian retirement. I'm here to serve the Lord until the day I'm called home. Learning to look after and taking care of my disabled wife has added a lot of good to my Christian experience, just as 35 years of cleaning windows had taught me quite a bit about interpersonal relationships with the customer, and the will of God in putting my clientele's welfare above my own. And that applied especially to the senior citizen, quite a few I had on my rounds.

Learning to be patient and gentle is part of God's will for me. And those two fruits of the Spirit were certainly no part of my raw character which blighted my youth. For example, when I started my window cleaning business in the late Summer of 1980, I was focussed on money and enterprise, to first survive, then to make a profit, to do well, rather than seek the best of the customer's welfare.

But God is benevolent in character and he is always willing to bless us. Therefore, whenever I was planning a holiday, especially a long-haul backpacking trip, I was always praying, especially against these potential obstacles:
Airline strike,
Illness,
Accident,
Unexpected expense,
A threat to personal safety.

Yet between 1973 (when I first travelled as a Christian believer) to this day, God has always answered my prayers before departure. Except on just one occasion. That was in 2013, after making a booking for our anniversary break in Crete, one of the Greek islands I hadn't been to, but keen to visit. Instead, Alex went down with complete immobilisation, and our GP had her referred to Royal Berkshire Hospital, where she stayed as an inpatient for four whole months between August and November. This covered our 14th anniversary, where I spent our special day sitting beside her hospital bed.

A devastating loss at the time, yet God used that experience to show me that my love and commitment to my beloved wife comes way before any holiday pleasure. It has helped me to learn that travel is by no means be-all and end-all. Rather, our marriage has that claim.

With a wheelchair purchased in January of 2014, I knew that life from then on will be totally different from what I'm used to. Yet concerning travel, God has a way to still bless us, providing we appreciate what he gives us and receive it with thankfulness. This includes two Eurostar trips to Paris, one trip to Brussels, which was also on the Eurostar, a trip north to the Lake District, also to North Wales, and a couple of trips to Bournemouth and Swanage. I can be very grateful indeed that she hadn't suffered any pain or seizures while we were in France or Belgium, but suffered one whilst on the train returning home from Llundudno Junction last year.

God answers prayer. But not always how we would wish. He blessed us with travel experiences. He delivered me from a bad decision made. But he never heard my cry for Alex's restoration to full health. That was because he uses such experiences to fulfil his will in our lives.

Chips are Down? There is Hope.

Ever made a decision and then immediately regret it? And before you can do anything about it, the cogs of the machinery begins to rotate, and there is absolutely no power to stop it. And that's how it looks.

And taking up a new banking agreement can be one of those regrettable decisions. It all begins with an unexpected phone call with a voice saying that my account might have been targeted by a fraudster. It's that living nightmare I have seen on TV documentaries such as Watchdog or Panorama. Immediately I put the phone down without saying a word and mounted my bicycle for a trip to town.

At my bank, I was fortunate that the advisor was free and wasn't dealing with any other customer. When I told him of my situation, he then led me into an office within a more experienced advisor sat. She investigated the rumour, and it was true, my account was targeted, following an online purchase. She then disabled the current account card, and I then received a new one within a few days. That should have been it, simple and straightforward. But instead, she went into a sales-patter mode about a promise of better protection if I took on a credit scheme. Feeling vulnerable, I signed the agreement. Moments later I had discovered that I have opened a credit card account.

The last time I held a credit card account was in the year 2000. Soon after discovering that my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, I made a phone call to the issuers, asking them to close my account while I paid off the last of what was still owing. I then cut the card into two halves and that was it - finito - after two decades of debt.

There was a time when the credit card stood in good stead, especially during my travels. Like the time when I wanted to make a booking at the Hosteling International Backpackers at Santa Monica, California. They would only accept a booking by credit card. Fortunately, I was able to pay in cash at arrival. Or when the Queen's birthday came around at the most awkward moment after running out of cash whilst at Hervey Bay in New South Wales. When the Queen's birthday comes around, Australia as a whole shuts down, leaving my thick wad of Traveler's Cheques temporarily unusable. I still had to pay for my stay at the hostel. My credit card came to the rescue.

Both of these incidents took place in 1997. Life was very different back then, without the Internet. Each month a paper statement dropped through the door. Funny, coming to think of it, they call it a statement, when really it's a bill, like an energy bill or a phone bill. But it meant a monthly visit to the bank or enclosing in an envelope provided, together with a cheque, and posted. But the debt lingered on and on as interest was piled on top. Unless I paid in full like you would have had to with American Express, or Diners Club, I was never debt-free during those twenty years.

I look back on such experiences with mixed feelings. It was good to be bailed out from a tough situation, especially while overseas, but the burden of being in debt hung over my head like a raincloud. Therefore, when it came to giving advice to a couple of upcoming nuptials by request at our church, one of my main points was don't open a credit account, and stay free of debt. I also added, to buy only within their means. If you cannot afford it, don't buy unless you are prepared to save up for it. I said this to two young Christian men shortly before they married. I think this is good wisdom, especially with the cost of holidays. To find a credit statement covering the airfare and hotel bill lying on the floor among the mail after arriving home from the airport can be debilitating, especially if it's back to work the very next day.

Therefore, it was at a moment of weakness when I fell for the sales pitch and allowed the bank to open a credit account. But in this modern tech age, the prospects look much dire than it did before. It's all to do with Internet banking, an idea I have always shrunk from. (After all, I am a pensioner and we oldies generally don't gel with money-handling technology behind our backs, do we?) I had little option but to call upon God for help while walking along the High Street - and back at home also read the terms and conditions, itself taking quite a number of pages. I eventually discovered that I'm in a "grace period" the two weeks within if I change my mind, I can close the account. I did precisely that, along with the need to cancel the newly-created direct-debit account.

At this stage, whether I'm now out of the woods, or still having my foot caught in one of the ferns growing among the trees, I have to wait and see. Furthermore, my beloved was also afraid - afraid for me, whether all this credit card scenario would have on my health. It gave much of an opportunity to reflect together.

When Alex asked why God allowed all these - the credit card agreement, her poor health with the latest on her breast cancer, my own life with heart failure - I had to sit beside her and think. And to reassure her.

I thought about our financial security, which I believe, is very different from the accumulation of wealth. Without a doubt, even the keenest of saints desire some sort of security, especially in finances, the desire to be free of debt, to be able to keep a roof over his head, adequate clothing, to put food on the table, and to enjoy such niceties such as an annual holiday, to buy toys for the kids, and to own a car as a useful commodity. Surely, we all want this. It's perfectly natural, so human. And as Jesus once reassured, our Father in heaven knows all this. He is not reluctant to meet all our needs.

However, by contrast, these fraudsters, for example, wish to accumulate wealth out of greed. They are not bothered about leaving another individual, a couple or a family in financial ruin just so the perpetrators can go out and buy that coveted Lamborghini to show off to his neighbours and arouse envy. It's that attitude, that greed which stirs anger in me, the sense of injustice.

Someone had already said to me that if I am without sin, then I should cast the first stone. Fair enough. But if the fraudsters were to target his bank account, clearing it out altogether, how would he feel? Having a hump? Or would he jump with joy, knowing that he is "persecuted" for the cause of Christ? 

In my talk with Alex, I came to the conclusion that it's better to suffer heavy losses - even to the extent of being stripped bare, and go to heaven - than it is to accumulate much wealth, live a life of luxury and end up in hell. That's was what I said to her.

This reminds me of Job, an Old Testament nomad who was stripped of all his wealth by bandits, lost all but one offspring in a terrible accident and became so ill that we came within an inch of death. He ended up with his breath so foul that even his wife couldn't remain any longer in his tent. Yet it was she who loudly declared that he should curse God and die (Job 2:7-10). To which he replied,

You are acting like a foolish woman! 

His integrity is what I admire about this man. His faith in God remained unmoved, even to the point when he declared, 

I know that my Redeemer lives, and that in the end he shall stand upon the earth.

And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God.

I myself will see him with my own eyes - I, and not another.

How my heart yearns within me!

Job 19:25-27.

Here he was basically advocating eternal security - he didn't condition his eternal state with any 'ifs' or 'buts', nor, "I must remain faithful lest I lose my salvation". Instead, he declared to his three doubting friends that he will see God! By referring to his Redeemer as standing upon the earth demonstrates his Resurrection from the dead, after an everlasting atonement has been made.

Lately, I have delved into Paul's letter to the Ephesians. In the first two chapters of that letter, the author demonstrates both the special love of God for all believers, which he couples with the sovereignty and omniscience of God. Not that God loves some people and not others. True enough, God so loved the world in a paternal sense he has for all his creation (John 3:16). But to all believers, God is their special Father.

The breaking down of the barrier between the Jew and the Gentile is what excited Paul, along with the drawing together of all from near and far away alike, as from the kingdom of darkness into God's Kingdom of light. This breaking down of the barriers I found so edifying. That means the dissolving of all international, racial and class barriers, the uniting of the three into one man whose head is Jesus Christ himself. 

This is a tonic I so much need in such a materialistic world, where institutions such as banks will strive to make a profit from the customer, and living at present in a political turmoil where their want for national isolation from Europe eclipses the unity of all believers in Jesus Christ regardless of ethnic origins. If ever there is a need for such a drastic psychological turnaround, Psalm 139 reveals how God regards every individual, and how each person was carefully knit together in the womb. And how many days a person shall live is already determined, long before conception.

Neither is any individual ever hidden from God. He may rise into the sky (airline and rocket aviation?) and sure enough, he is there. He might make his bed deep into the depths of the ocean (deep-sea submersibles?) and God will be waiting for him there. If he was to go to the far side of the sea (long haul flights?) - yes, God will greet him there as well.

(Actually, it's fascinating how a 3,000-year-old prophecy about advanced science and engineering can be so easily discerned by any modern reader). 

But the point is: God is always near. He is near each Christian believer. In fact, God lives within every Christian believer. As for the unbeliever, God is always near. So near, in fact, that one only has to believe in his heart that Jesus of Nazareth is the risen Christ, and from his mouth confess this, acknowledging his status as Lord, and he will be saved (Romans 10:9-13). God will give the Holy Spirit to anyone who asks (Luke 11:11-13) without the need for self-reformation beforehand.

Just lying on the bed next to my beloved wife and saying those things to her in the quietness of the night have helped in dispelling her fears and anxieties. Indeed, banks may find schemes to drain us financially, quite legally too, and watching her poor health is indeed debilitating, but knowing that God loves us and that he is omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent is a source of comfort and reassurance for both of us.