An Empty House is Never Burgled.

The old saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder, seems to be more realistic than I have always thought. So as I felt as I lay on a bed inside a hospital ward just two nights before this blog is written. But how did I end up there in the first place?

It is all to do with my aortic valve replacement operation just over four years previously, as a treatment for a regurgitating aortic valve I had, so I was told, since I was young, perhaps even from birth. Although the procedure was a complete success in itself, life-long repercussions remain. This includes taking anticoagulants, in my case Warfarin, for life, along with beta-blockers and diuretics. However, it was a decision taken by one Cardiologist at Heatherwood Hospital in Ascot, that I can come off the diuretics. I thought a first that was wonderful. Then the problems began. I began to get short of breath every time I exerted myself from a state of rest to exercise. And that could be as simple as climbing a flight of steps.

It was when I came to the stage of even finding walking difficult without gasping for breath when Alex my wife begged me to see a GP. Yes, begged. The same as five years previously when I kept on waking up in the small hours of the morning wheezing and having a sensation of drowning, as liquid rattled in my chest at every breath taken. Back then, as this time around, I paid a visit to my GP after much persuasion - er - nagging - by my wife. Yes, I am aware. We as men have a sense of embarrassment about seeing the Doctor. Being male myself, I tend to believe in this universal sense of awkwardness, which I think arises from the belief that our symptoms are not serious enough to waste the Doctor's time and be fobbed off -  "On yer bike, pal".

But an out-of-hours Doctor I did see, and this female, who looks to be fresh out of college, saw straightaway, that I was panting and looking unwell. And that was just after walking a few metres after sitting for half-an-hour at the waiting room. After a talk which consisted mainly of answering a pile of questions, she made a successful diagnosis of my condition and was able to see that I was suffering from water retention, which was responsible for the shortness of breath. At that, she decided for me to visit Royal Berks A&E in Reading, and to arrange for an ambulance to take me straight there. I protested, asking her to put me back on diuretics and continue as before. Instead, she insisted on a visit to a Consultant as a more appropriate need. 

I phoned my wife, who immediately summoned a taxi. She waiting for my arrival at A&E for quite a while before I finally arrived. She was my comfort while reclining on the gurney, watching nurses and doctors walk past in both directions, along with patients being wheeled away by a porter, the never-ending hustle-and-bustle of a typical A&E department. It was several hours later when one of the doctors entered my cubicle to announce that I will be kept in overnight. My wife panicked. 

This is because whenever she feels distressed or experience a rise of negative emotion, various things happen. One is a severe backache caused by the tightening of her muscles, immobilising her. Normally, I can quickly get her out of her condition, having learnt from experience, along with an administration of a strong painkiller such as Co-Codamol or Oramorph. Another state her emotions can lead her to is a seizure, remaining conscious but a tightening of her throat or neck muscles threatening asphyxiation. I have learned to get her out of that condition too, by applying CPR which I had previously learned as a poolside lifeguard back in 1972/3. On another occasion, she can get into a kind of body lock, when although still remaining conscious, she goes into a deep unwakeable sleep-like state which takes a while for her to recover. Such is her threefold neurotic disorder arisen from a series of long-past psychosomatic circumstances.

In a state of sudden panic, she tried to phone through to a couple who have been friends for a long time, and who also took her in while I was recovering from my heart op at Harefield Hospital in Uxbridge. But the ringing went unanswered. Then realising that this was a week when schools were shut for half-term and many were away on holiday, we knew then we were on our own. 

And so she booked a taxi for home while I was wheeled to one of the wards. It was a while later when I knew that by then she should have settled in, was when a nurse lent me a hospital mobile phone and tried to contact her several times and the phone remained unanswered, that a deep feeling of helplessness and hopelessness filled my soul. All night through.

Being in a hospital ward, there were constant interruptions as nurses walk in to take blood pressure measurements, including from me. The welcoming darkness dispelled every time a patient turn on his bedside light or the much-needed silence disturbed by conversation, whether between patients or to staff, the situation was never ideal for a good night's sleep.

And visions from an overactive imagination.

My imagination was indeed running wild. I kept seeing visions of my beloved lying on the floor, paralysed. Unable to move, her throat muscles tightening as if strangled by an unseen force. With nobody to help her, she finally gives up the ghost by asphyxiation. Or lying on the floor with her back muscles curved in tightness while suffering from extreme pain. And with both front and back doors locked, no one can enter the house to assist her. Furthermore, she has my house keys. That means even if I were to leave the hospital ward to get home quickly, she could be lying unconscious and there is nothing I can do short of a literal break in.

Main Entrance Royal Berks Hospital, Reading.

It was as if I was teased, a target for fun-poking, ridicule. I tried to imagine what would a life of widowhood be like. Worldwide travel again? A return to being single? None of these brought any comfort, but rather a source of torment. I could circumnavigate the globe many times over. But none of that would make up for the love and affection we have always exchanged. The only person in the world who sincerely thinks I'm good-looking, gorgeous, a rock of security, someone who she adores, a representation of Jesus Christ. If she goes, then the empty void left behind will be impossible to fill -  the wretched feeling of loneliness would be too much to bear - unless I experience a miracle.

Perhaps we are both in need of one. If only Jesus Christ materialise in front of us and promises he would grant three of anything we ask for. Immediately, without hesitation, we would ask for a restoration of health, assurance of salvation for us and our three daughters and perhaps financial security as a top up, but not on the expense of trusting in him for our daily needs.

Around breakfast time, I again tried to contact my wife over the phone. And yet again no answer. I kept trying, but this carried on as if stubbornly refusing to acknowledge my call. Eventually, in sheer desperation, I cried to God to bring her back to the hospital ward. I kept on repeating my prayers, regardless of whether they were heard by others in the ward or not. My heart was pleading, pleading...

As we parted during the previous evening, she promised that she would be by my side before nine in the morning. But it was already 10.30 and I was still alone. I tried to shut out any thoughts that she could be unconscious, or even dead, back at home and carried on pleading with the Lord to bring her over safely.

At 10.45 my wife suddenly appeared as she was wheeled in by a porter. The sudden sense of relief as we hugged was almost unimaginable. It was then when I piled thanks upon thanks to God for his goodness. About an hour later the Consultant came in to visit to put me on a permanent prescription of Bumetanide, a diuretic medicine I was taking before it was discontinued. He then said that we were free to go home after the medicine arrives from the hospital pharmacist. Indeed, I was thinking, if that young GP was on the same track of thought as I was on the previous day, we would have been spared of all this, as well as the cost to the NHS. I can only assume that as an apparent junior, she did not carry the authority to put the diuretic back on prescription without a more senior consultation.

It seems that as a married couple, we have a lion's share of tribulation, and that aimed specifically at our health. My wife's neurotic disorder brings just as much anxiety to me as well as my heart condition brings to her. We both worry for each other constantly, life on a knife-edge, a constant emotional turmoil. The most frequent-asked question is, Are you okay? I could ask that several times within a couple of hours.

It wasn't long since I came across a poster on Facebook. It read An Empty House is Never Burgled. This reminds me of a thief, a robber or burglar. Who are thieves and robbers? Apparently, it's the Adversary, according to Jesus' own words recorded in John 10:10. A thief only steals if the intended victim has something worthy to be taken. An empty, unoccupied house is of no interest to the burglar! Apparently, Satan must be constantly hungry, for he seems to go after the fruit, that is, the fruit of the Holy Spirit. As the apostle writes in 2 Timothy 3:12, anyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, or simply will have trouble.  

We tend to think that persecution only means being hated by unbelievers - to be chased, thrown into prison, forced to deny the faith, tortured, killed. Hmm! I cannot see any of that aimed at any of our churches here! Maybe Paul the Apostle had got it wrong, or times have changed since his day. Or maybe the word applies to a far more universal term of suffering - to have trouble, to suffer some kind of tribulation.

This makes far more sense. By means of the Holy Spirit living within us, we produce good fruit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control (Galatians 5:22-23). Indeed, Satan is constantly hungry and he will steal. Especially the fruits of love, joy and peace, but he'll go after others, particularly patience when driving in traffic or stuck in a superstore checkout queue. Often God does not stop the spiritual crime, although he allows it to go only so far.

Our love will be forever...

I look at our own marriage relationship. I'm happy to say that it 's strong, stable, robust. And believe it or not, I think that the tribulations aimed at our health and wellbeing have played a role. And I think absence makes the heart grow fonder. During that night at the hospital ward, all I was concerned was that she was okay on her own at home. Not that I never go out on my own, of course, I do, just about every day I'm out on my own, whether it'll be for a few minutes or for several hours, or even for much of the day. But there is a world of a difference, for example, between a gym and sauna session and being confined at a hospital ward bed.

The Adversary may attempt to steal as much as he can from us, even our lives, but our love for each other will remain forever.

The Other Five Fruits Of The Spirit

Last week we looked at the first three fruits of the Holy Spirit - Joy, Peace and Patience, together with Love, making up our emotional and spiritual relationship with God. These virtues could be viewed as passive, our direct standing with God as a result of being controlled by the infilling Holy Spirit. This week we look at the last five virtues, which are practical - how we treat other people around us, especially our Christian brothers and sisters.

Also in my last blog, I gave illustrations of two real life experiences - delays at an airport departure lounge, and being stuck in a supermarket checkout line by a fickle customer who was trying to redeem a few pence from a voucher. On both occasions I did not respond well. Take the airport delay incident. I was due to fly to Israel in 1993 to backpack the Holy Land for a couple of weeks when our airplane was found to have a technical fault - the hydraulic piping had sprung a leak, and had to be replaced with a new one before the plane can take off. This caused a six-hour delay which activated my panic button and I became very fidgety. Then I prayed for God to help me, and I became much calmer, felt peace and had patience. Nearby, some Orthodox Jews who were to share my flight were very serene and took the situation so calmly, that a couple of them slept through the ordeal. How come? Why as a Christian I had to pray while those Jews were naturally calm?

I think it was Jesus himself who gave an answer to this one. He said that it was not the righteous who needed a physician, but the sick. (See Mark 2:17.) I guess as an Italian, I panic very easily at the slightest threat or mishap, therefore I need the Holy Spirit far more than one who is naturally calm or have that British stoicism!

Now, supposing that during this long wait at the airport, someone cried out in despair, thinking that his vacation is already ruined. After all, that happened in 1978, but from someone sent back to the departure lounge as a result of an industrial dispute. Do I tease or mock this desperate person? Or more realistically, tell him to grow up? No, it's none of these things. The fruit of the Spirit is love, so I would do my best to make that person feel better. I talk to him, assuring him that we will take off soon and once we had arrived there, our delay will be quickly forgotten. One fruit of the Spirit here becomes manifest, kindness.

Then I offer to buy him a cup of coffee and perhaps a bar of chocolate or a cake at the nearby cafe, and he accepts, the fruit of goodness shines through. He opens up and we start talking, and he tells me why he is flying to Israel. He had suffered a bitter divorce and also having lost the custody of his children to their mother, he decided to visit Israel to see Masada, a hill fortress where a number of Jews in AD 70 decided on mass suicide rather than submit to their Roman oppressors, after reading so much about it in a novel. I respond with gentleness, refusing to pass any judgement, and when he begs me that the talk does not leave the table, faithfulness is the fruit of the spirit which would command loyalty.

By then I would feel love, joy, peace and patience, in fact I would have almost forgotten about the delay. He then asks me why I'm visiting Israel, and I answer that as a backpacker, I love the ancient archaeological sites and I feel a special affinity for the City of Jerusalem. Then, if the circumstance is right, I might explain that Jesus Christ was crucified at Jerusalem for the forgiveness of my sins.

The delay at the airport in 1993 was real, but of course the rest of the story was fabrication, but I have given it to point out that the fruit of the Spirit becomes manifest at certain, normally unfavourable situations. In the last blog, I gave the example of Peter, Paul and Silas, all three in prison. Peter was so secure in the love of Christ that his peace allowed him to sleep. Paul and Silas, being in each other's company manifested joy which caused them to sing praises to God, which convicted and saved the jailer and his family.

So taking a brief look at the remaining virtues:

Kindness. A lack of any form of cruelty, especially verbal. This includes teasing or mocking someone when they are in a difficult or adverse situation, or even to say that they don't have time or to declare that they have more important things to do. It also means showing a favour when others are opposed, or not have the time for. A good example of this is found in Mark 10:13-14 when some mothers came up to Jesus to ask to have their children blessed. The disciples scorned at what looked like a time-wasting request, but Jesus had the kindness to bless those children, despite what the disciples thought.

Goodness. The ability to give from the heart especially to someone who does not deserve it. The Italian word for good is bene, from which we have the English words benefit, benevolent, etc. Generally it the giving of good things which blesses the recipient. A good instruction of this is given by Paul, when he teaches: When your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he's thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Romans 12:20. Again, Jesus demonstrated this fruit of the Spirit when he miraculously fed the five thousand, some of them could well have bayed for his crucifixion later when Jesus was tried by Pilate.

Faithfulness. Believing what the other person or group of people has to say and staying loyal to them. This is quite opposite to deserting, gossipping, telling other of one's faults and as such, bringing that person to ridicule or to let him down, or to leave him in his dire situation. Moses remained faithful to the children of Israel, despite on many occasions the nation complained, moaned and were ready to desert him and flee back to Egypt. When Korah and his allies had persuaded the nation to question the leadership of Moses and Aaron, they then fell on their faces to plead for the whole nation, and punish only the conspirators (See Numbers 16:20-24.) Luke too, was faithful to Paul when he was in prison, after everyone else deserted him (2 Timothy 4:10-11).

Gentleness. I remember one house-group when we discussed this fruit of the Spirit, the general opinion of the leader was that many believed that gentleness was a lack of rugged masculinity. Having played rugby, the "he-man's game" we knew where he was coming from. We British have a history in loving to think of ourselves as a nation of conquerers, out to establish an Empire, to rule over others with force where necessary. And there are newspaper journalists even today lamenting over loss of Empire. Yet if there was a person with such gentleness, it was Jesus Christ himself, who the British say they follow as a national religion. He was particularly gentle with women, the woman at the well was one of them. He did not upbraid her for her sins, but rather, his gentleness won her heart to the point when she decided that this man must be a prophet. And he was gentle to the woman caught in the act of adultery. While the Pharisees were ready to stone her for her crime, all he said to her was, "Go, and sin no more." (John 8:11.) Yet no one could have been more masculine in human history as the Lord Jesus Christ. Another fine example of gentleness was with Peter, after delivery from prison, kept on knocking while those inside, who were praying for his release, were debating whether it was him or not. Peter's natural character was to have upbraided them for their slowness to believe and answer the door. Instead, when the door opened, Peter simply beckoned them to hold their peace, with the explanation of his deliverance (Acts 12:12-17.)

Self Control. The final virtue, this is the fruit of the Spirit which prevents a believer erupting into anger or other emotional turmoil, especially where self is directly involved. For example, if someone abuses you, how would you react? If by natural means, you retaliate or seek revenge, or even smack him in the mouth. But this fruit of the Spirit gives you the ability to return the insult with either a gentle reply or with nothing at all. One good example of this was when Jesus was slapped across the face by the soldiers just before the crucifixion, the mocking and the pressing of a crown of thorns on to his head. Jesus could have lashed out physically. He could have protested his innocence to Pilate. He could have even called down a legion of angels to slay them. Instead self control, allowed him to go to the cross without a fuss, most likely enough to convict many of their sins, and to declare, "Surely, this is the Son of God!" And I believe that self control is more than stoicism, the stiff upper lip or the bottling up of emotions. Self control involves returning evil with goodness, kindness and gentleness. It involves making sure that your enemy or adversity is fed and well looked after, a virtue that can only come from the Holy Spirit.

These are all the nine virtues which makes up the fruit of the Spirit. Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control, to which there is no law. (N.I.V.) Each of these virtues is a strength to meet every need in one's walk with God and alongside others. I believe that the first four are connected vertically with our standing with God, the other five, horizontally with our relationship with other people. Therefore not only do I liken the Fruit of the Spirit as an orange with eight segments within a rind, but also to a cross, the Cross of Christ.

Galatians 5:16 (KJV) says, Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh This is the key verse for all three articles in this mini-series.

Finally, God is willing for every believer to be filled with the Holy Spirit. I actually go further and say it is a command from God. But it is for believers only - those who have trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ for salvation. All he has to do is to ask, and God will fulfill his request.