Hope of Answered Prayer?

Any regular reader of this blogger page has most likely read last week's post. It was about making a hasty decision during a moment of mental and emotional weakness to mistakenly open a bank credit account. 

Just to recap:

After making an online purchase, the Bank contacted me over the phone that my account was targeted by a fraudster. Immediately I jumped on my trusty bicycle and pedalled into town. At the Bank, the fraud was verified as having occurred. Although the immediate problem was quickly resolved, I was emotionally wretched. And the advisor who fixed the problem then homed in on my vulnerability by launching a sales pitch of the wonders of having a credit account, with which I would be protected from any future fraudulent transactions. After quite a bit of computer keyboard tapping, a foolscap was printed out on which I signed at the bottom. It was soon afterwards I was handed the Terms and Conditions on a document thick enough to impress any civil servant.

But within the many wording, towards the back was a small paragraph informing me that I had an opt-out clause to close the account, which comes into force for two weeks after receiving the card, which itself took up to a week for it to arrive.

While I was walking along the High Street, I immediately began to regret what I have done - to offer myself as a slave to my new master, one who would have control over our joint bank account, willingly lending us money, followed by a demand to pay back with interest. In other words, to be in constant debt, something I have carefully avoided for nearly two decades.

I found myself praying in the street. I wasn't conscious of anyone looking on, neither did I care less if I had attracted anyone's attention. I made my way to Costas. There in the coffee bar, I sat alone at a small table, a large cappuccino in front of me, my face buried in both my palms, praying. Confessing to God of my error, my mistake in making such a rash decision. Praying for release from the burden. It was after arriving home and having read the Terms and Conditions, was when I discovered the opt-out clause. On the same day my card had arrived, I turned up at the Bank and cancelled the Agreement and closed the account. Oh, what relief! 

Again at Costas, I sat with another cappuccino. I was thanking God and praising Him this time. I looked out from the shopfront window. The world looked far more cheerful, like a spring in the step. Although the scene was as it always been, with passing pedestrians populating the traffic-free thoroughfare - singles, couples, families, groups, an occasional dog perhaps, yet there was this liberating feel about the environment. The sense of joy. The sense of freedom, like an ex-convict released from prison and heading home.

Today, the final letter had arrived from the Bank, confirming that my account is now closed and with instructions to destroy the card. Up to the present I have kept the card for use for any possible reference or correspondence. But now, what pleasure it was when I took a pair of scissors and cut the card up into four pieces! 

Exactly like I did nearly two decades ago. I cut up the old credit card then. But the reason for this was slightly different. My beloved was pregnant with our first daughter. I did not want her to grow up in a household ridden with debt. Such an environment would not be ideal for any of our children. Therefore my wife and I agreed that if we need anything, whether it's groceries, a household utensil or piece of furniture, or a holiday abroad, we will always make sure we had enough to pay for it before purchase.

I believe that my opinion on this matter is Biblical. For example, Proverbs 22:7 says,

The rich rule over the poor and the borrower is a slave of the lender.

Also Proverbs 22:26-27:

Be not one of those who give pledges, who put up security for debts. If you have nothing with which to pay, why should your bed be taken from under you?

And Romans 13:8:

Owe no one anything except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.

This is one of the benefits for a believer in Jesus Christ. It's impossible to live a perfect life, without making mistakes or bad decisions. But God is so willing to forgive and to make restoration for any error made. This reminds me of an old soap powder advert that used to be shown on TV. It featured a mother warmly welcoming her son back home with his shirt smeared with mud after some rough play outside. All smiles and not a single scolding, the soiled shirt was put into a washing machine and hey presto, it comes out not only clean but with incandescent whiteness. The boy puts it back on and then dashes back outside to resume his game with his mates.

Whether all mothers are as patient and so understanding as this one was, I cannot say. But at least back in those days, boys were boys. Rough play was part and parcel of growing up, to prepare them for the tough world as adults. It's a good likeness to Christian living. To take the knocks life throws at us. And indeed we can return to our Heavenly Father with mud on our shirts, our knees grazed, a bruise on our arm, and not only would he cleanse the shirt to the level of incandescence, but also heal our injuries too. I have wondered whether the old soap powder ad was a good illustration for the struggling Christian.

If only.

Some prayers are answered quickly, often with human cooperation, such as the rectifying of the credit account decision. Yet others seem to hit a brick wall. The case of my wife's health is a case in point. Prayer upon prayer has been offered for her healing and restoration. Not only from me but from my inlaws, along with members of our fellowship, including our Elders. We have been praying for years but have never seen her restored to her youthful health, the sprinting athlete who I met, married and had children. Instead, I have watched her health slowly deteriorate over the years, first with backache, then with spells of seizure, then immobilisation which confines her to a wheelchair while outdoors, and now with breast cancer too, which required a mastectomy and ongoing chemotherapy. Where is God in all this?

Yet an incident occurred this week while I was out with a friend and church elder. When I arrived home, I found my beloved in a seizure with her arm shaking involuntarily. Unable to wake her, I had no other option than to dial 999. She was rushed to Frimley Park Hospital where previously she had her mastectomy. At A&E, she was treated with Diazepam to calm her involuntary movement and also with antibiotics to eliminate any threat of infection which, due to her chemo treatment, could turn septic, therefore life-threatening. She was kept in overnight to be seen by the Oncology team on the next day. It was discovered that a hard plastic securing clip fixed onto her percutaneous catheter was irritating the skin surrounding where the tube enters her body through her affected arm. It was the continuous and rather intense pain which led to her seizure.

The hard-plastic clip was replaced with one made with a softer material. It made all the difference and she was allowed to go home. Yet the Consultant wasn't fully satisfied with her condition. He wanted us to return for a scan to ensure there is no blood clotting around her catheter. However, when the scan was carried out the day after, a clot was located, which means she has to take a dose of Dalteparin Sodium subcutaneously each day for the next three months. That means that during those weeks it's up to me to give my beloved her daily injection.

Although there are times when God is so far away when it comes to Alex's health, I can't help sensing that finding her in a seizure after arriving home was an act of God's presence and mercy. Because, if the clot was to dislodge and flow freely through her bloodstream and even enter her coronary artery, she could suffer from cardiac arrest. This, of course, is just a guess on my part, but one based on true stories I heard of very similar causes of death.

If all this is true, then God has always been with us during the whole experience dating back to 2012 (when her periodic backache started to escalate). The fact that God doesn't heal by the one command will always remain a mystery, even though Jesus told his disciples to heal the sick as part of the Great Commission, after his Resurrection. But this I have come to realise: God answers prayer if following his will and not necessarily ours.

Looking back over the last few years, I have come to realise that caring for my wife is indeed part of Christian growth, which involves character-building. The timing of all this coincides well with retirement from paid work as a self-employed window cleaner. The truth is - there is no such thing as Christian retirement. I'm here to serve the Lord until the day I'm called home. Learning to look after and taking care of my disabled wife has added a lot of good to my Christian experience, just as 35 years of cleaning windows had taught me quite a bit about interpersonal relationships with the customer, and the will of God in putting my clientele's welfare above my own. And that applied especially to the senior citizen, quite a few I had on my rounds.

Learning to be patient and gentle is part of God's will for me. And those two fruits of the Spirit were certainly no part of my raw character which blighted my youth. For example, when I started my window cleaning business in the late Summer of 1980, I was focussed on money and enterprise, to first survive, then to make a profit, to do well, rather than seek the best of the customer's welfare.

But God is benevolent in character and he is always willing to bless us. Therefore, whenever I was planning a holiday, especially a long-haul backpacking trip, I was always praying, especially against these potential obstacles:
Airline strike,
Illness,
Accident,
Unexpected expense,
A threat to personal safety.

Yet between 1973 (when I first travelled as a Christian believer) to this day, God has always answered my prayers before departure. Except on just one occasion. That was in 2013, after making a booking for our anniversary break in Crete, one of the Greek islands I hadn't been to, but keen to visit. Instead, Alex went down with complete immobilisation, and our GP had her referred to Royal Berkshire Hospital, where she stayed as an inpatient for four whole months between August and November. This covered our 14th anniversary, where I spent our special day sitting beside her hospital bed.

A devastating loss at the time, yet God used that experience to show me that my love and commitment to my beloved wife comes way before any holiday pleasure. It has helped me to learn that travel is by no means be-all and end-all. Rather, our marriage has that claim.

With a wheelchair purchased in January of 2014, I knew that life from then on will be totally different from what I'm used to. Yet concerning travel, God has a way to still bless us, providing we appreciate what he gives us and receive it with thankfulness. This includes two Eurostar trips to Paris, one trip to Brussels, which was also on the Eurostar, a trip north to the Lake District, also to North Wales, and a couple of trips to Bournemouth and Swanage. I can be very grateful indeed that she hadn't suffered any pain or seizures while we were in France or Belgium, but suffered one whilst on the train returning home from Llundudno Junction last year.

God answers prayer. But not always how we would wish. He blessed us with travel experiences. He delivered me from a bad decision made. But he never heard my cry for Alex's restoration to full health. That was because he uses such experiences to fulfil his will in our lives.