When Sparks Fly...

Earlier today, as I watched the funeral of the Duke of Edinburgh on television with my wife, I felt a lump in my throat as we watched the Queen sitting all alone at her seat inside St. George's Chapel within the walls of Windsor Castle. I, too, was almost about to cry as we watched her sitting all alone, mourning for her beloved husband. Almost her entire face was obscured by the brim of her black hat and also the black face mask she was wearing. To me, for her to wear a mask while sitting alone, away from all her family members, seemed so unnecessary, especially when she is already fully vaccinated and the interior of the chapel happens to be very large and spacious. However, not far away sat her two married grandsons: Prince William, the Duke of Cambridge and his younger sibling, Prince Harry, the Duke of Sussex.

Sometimes I wish I was in Prince Harry's shoes. No, not because of his title of Duke, neither because of his wealth and not because of his fame and social standing either. But rather, had it been me who flew back to the UK from California to attend my Grandad's funeral, the first thing that would cross my mind would be to ask to be brought to my older brother, Prince William, who is second in line to the throne. 

The Duke of Edinburgh's Coffin.

If he consents, I would then run into his arms and allow my tears to wet the shirt covering his shoulder. I would plead for forgiveness and full reconciliation, as both of us had emerged from the one and the same womb. The ball would then be entirely in my brother's court. Would he accept my plea of repentance? Or would he push me away so hard that I actually stumble backwards across the room? 

I felt a sense of sombre while I watched on TV both brothers walking behind the coffin. But unlike at their mother's funeral back in 1997, this time, these two brothers weren't walking next to each other. Instead, their cousin, Peter Phillips, was walking between them, as if acting like a human barrier, just in case these two brothers were to suddenly pounce on each other. 

Come on! As if such an incident would have ever happened. Not at Prince Philip's funeral.

Here, I try to look inside the Duke of Sussex's head while he's under quarantine, a tongue-in-cheek attempt to analyse his train of thinking. 

                                                                   **********

"What rotten luck it was to have someone beat me to the throne even before I was born. From conception onwards, I will always play second fiddle to my older brother William. It's like having a carrot held in front of two moving donkeys, but no matter how fast I can run, I'll never get to eat the carrot. The other beast is head and neck ahead and the gap between its mouth and the carrot is getting narrower, albeit slowly.

"Being initially third in line to the throne still sounds pretty good. I have already jumped in front of my two uncles, Princes Andrew and Edward. But trust my brother to marry Catherine - or Waity Katy, as that Daily Mail columnist, Amanda Platell, used to call her. How Platell loved to show some contempt at the future Duchess' apparent idleness before she married William. Then later, as soon as a baby is born to them, it would take my place as third in line, pushing me back to fourth.  

"Then how could I forget 2003? That was the year I finished my studies at Eton. A real posh school. Fit for a prince. But that doesn't really solve anything. My older brother also attended Eton. Our Dad Charles should have sent him up north to Gordonstoun. Perhaps the school would have made more of a man out of him. After all, Dad attended, but he was so miserable there, so I was told. Maybe that was why both of us attended Eton instead. 

"Then my gap year and that awful trip Down Under! While there might have been other British tourists visiting real attractions such as the Great Barrier Reef, instead, I had to work as a cattle rancher. Or a cowboy as they called him. Cowboy? Nah! Here in the UK, a cowboy is a dodgy builder - or any swindler who charges an exorbitant price for delivering shoddy work or even no work at all. No! I'm not a cowboy, and I don't want anyone to call me that. I'm a prince, for heaven's sake, even if I have to spend the whole of my life under the shadow of my brother.

"Coming to think of it, this is the funeral of our Grandfather, the Duke of Edinburgh. During his lifetime, there are legends that he had quite a tongue. Let's see. Asking the President of Nigeria, who greeted him whilst dressed in formal national garments, if he was ready for bed. Commending a black Brit who was born here that her English is surprisingly superb. Then that bit about calling the Japanese "slitty-eyed." Or was he referring to the Chinese? It doesn't matter, anyway. As the Media cried out throughout the last week, his death marks the end of an era. Yea, I know what that means. The British Empire and all the white supremacy which went with it. No wonder Philip took the p*ss out of anyone who might look a little different.

Prince Philip when young.

"Going back to that trip in 2003. Australia, a Commonwealth nation. A former colony in other words. How the British subjugated the indigenous Aboriginals who lived in that land for maybe thousands of years. So, if I'm a rep of the old Empire, how dare they assigned me as a rancher! Playing a role in maintaining the Reef, surely this would have been a lot better. None of that poo stench one would expect at a cattle ranch. Coming to think of it, I wonder if the Duke of Edinburgh would have loved the Reef? He was so much into the natural environment and the threat of climate change, even my father inherited the same set of traits, which is also parallel to the views of David Attenborough. 

"As a rancher and knowing that I must play second fiddle to my brother, had made me feel miserable Down Under. Then they began to accuse me as one of those whinging poms. Okay, perhaps I did feel like a Prisoner Of His Majesty's Service but had they treated me more like a Prince than a Pom, then there would have been nothing to whinge about. 

"But since Mum's death and her funeral, I made every effort to get on well with William. And so we both did. We were inseparable. The bond between us couldn't be broken, no matter what strain it was subjected to. But to live under his shadow, always playing second fiddle - why does anyone need to question the way I had behaved before I met and married Meghan? Why was it that through being an extrovert, I managed, quite successfully to woo the nation, making me the second most popular Royal after the Queen?

"And those parties I loved attending! On one occasion, I was caught topless by a passing photographer. What a scream! Especially when my pic made it into the national newspapers. And then having started the Invictus Games back in 2014. What a success they were. Not to mention the polo games I played, which I had inherited from both my father and grandfather. Oh, I loved it, really loved playing in the rain and ended up drenched and mud-splattered. Like that, I can shine my own light to cancel out William's shadow, at least for the time being.

"Then Meghan came along. Wow! What a raving beauty! And with African bloodline, this, to me, has enhanced her beauty. And this film star had recently divorced her husband. Yea, I know what the Bible says. That is, if a bloke marries a divorcee, he commits adultery. And my Grandma is the Defender of the Faith and head of the Anglican Church. And there was a time when our Church forbade divorcees from remarrying. But with the advance of Darwinism, much of that is discarded. A divorcee she may be, Meghan is the one for me.

"After the wedding and after the close of the honeymoon was when reality began to percolate into our lives. That was when a split between them and us began to show. It was Meghan who shone a light into my soul. How would I have ever known that by being a Royal myself that I too, had the imperialistic mentality festering in the subconscious? I wasn't even aware of it, and coming to think of it, none of my family members had ever been aware of it. Yet, here it sits in the subconscious mind - and has an influence on everything I think, feels, says and do. I guess it's his subconscious that made Grandad make such gaffs to his non-white hosts.

"And when I told her about that stag do which was held at Windsor Castle. I attended dressed in a Nazi suit. It was meant to be a lighthearted gaff, a fancy dress party. But it was Meghan, with her darker skin and therefore, more sensitive to these issues, who revealed to me my subconscious intuition. It was after all this was revealed to me that my imperialistic intuition got to me, and feeling rather ashamed of my Royal upbringing, I became more inward-looking and withdrawn. Meanwhile, the rift between Willian and me became wider, which also gave me another perception of the whole institution.

Prince Harry at a polo match.

"And just as Grandad became ill and was hospitalised, this interview with Oprah Winfrey came along. Really, it couldn't have been at the worst time. As Grandad was in a London hospital, recovering from an op, it had to be Meghan who accused our family of racism. What she was doing was revealing this intuition that dwells in their subconscious without any of them being aware of it. But I guess it can manifest itself in one way or another, such as in Grandad's gaffs, a sensitive question that was asked of Meghan, or even the way I dressed for a party. For her to accuse the Firm of racism was the final straw which broke the back of our relationship camel with William. No wonder he was furious!

"If it wasn't for royal protocol, I think William would have punched me hard in the mouth! I bet he was itching to do just that. Whew! Talk about flying sparks! Therefore, had I had the chance, I might have called William over and had a talk in the hope of cutting a trail towards reconciliation of some sort. However, with the pandemic, I had to quarantine as soon as I entered the UK. I couldn't see anybody for a week, let alone William. But to be honest, do I really want to make it up to William? After all, both he and his wife had upset Meghan before now. It's no surprise that I too feel agitated over this whole issue, and withdrew from royal duties last year.

"Why, oh why, wasn't Meghan better accepted by the rest of the Royal household? The British Empire was all about national white supremacy. It was out of this fruit of Empire where this human maggot grew within and crawled out. Charles Darwin had certainly left this dark brown stain of Evolution within the apple, making it inedible. I have already been reading the funeral schedule during isolation. It involves staying separate from my brother.

"But Psalm 104 will also be read out during the service. It's all about God's Creation. Something the Duke of Edinburgh believed in. Oh, the nation will bow its head momentary whilst it's read out aloud. But after that, it will be universally discarded with Darwinism fully embraced.

"It's all about pageantry. Nothing more than that."