Coping With Anger as an Aspie...

I felt apprehensive when I sat at a psychologist's office in Brookwood, Surrey. Then my sense of unease intensified as she announced that I'm about to undergo a mental arithmetic test.

"Oh, dear!" I protested. "I'm terrible at maths. What has this to do with parenting?"

"This assessment involves your IQ. It's all part of the process," the rather pretty young woman answered.

Actually, I was more surprised than she was when I got one sum after another correct without any visible calculation, whether it be with a calculator, on paper, or counting on my fingers. As each sum got progressively more difficult, it eventually came to the point when I couldn't answer any more, but at least that was way up on the scale. There were other questions too, such as what was Albert Einstein famous for? To which I replied that he was the first to work out the science of Relativity.

She was impressed - and honest too. She admitted that she was unaware of the answer until she checked my reply with the answer on her score sheet. Then another question: Name the Seven Continents.

"Er... Asia, Africa, Europe, Australia, North America, South America, er...er..."

"Yes, yes," she egged.

"Oh yes, Antarctica."

And so the questions came pouring forth. Many, such as the seven continents, could - or should - be answered easily by any schoolboy, let alone by a man in his fifties. But this might come as a surprise as we watched The Apprentice, just a few years ago. Here was a group of young professionals, each one vying to be Alan Sugar's partner with a £250,000 business investment awarded to the winning candidate. As the team sat around a table to discuss their business strategies, it became obvious neither was able to differentiate between the continent of Africa from India. Therefore, I had nothing to be ashamed of when I was assessed back in the Summer of 2005.

Indeed, as I stood on the platform of Brookwood Station, in shirtsleeves and dripping wet from the rain after walking through the famous cemetery, my spirits were high, having been told after the assessment that I had above-average intelligence. Maybe this was why I was able to beat a financial advisor and his wife at a game of Scrabble a couple of years earlier and also won by quite a considerable margin against another middle-class family at a general knowledge game which was not unlike Trivial Pursuit. But a shock was yet to come.

The final result of the assessment came back. I was diagnosed with Aspie.

Back in 2005, I knew just one other person who has Asperger's Syndrome. He was and still is a good friend, a tad younger than me and unmarried to this day. But if the psychologist was able to assess me as above average intelligence, she would have diagnosed him with super-intelligence, especially at maths. I have always known him as an ideal candidate for membership with Mensa. At present, I'm also good friends with another Aspie, who holds a PhD in Genetics. This seems to testify that being on the Spectrum (as it's now referred) goes hand-in-hand with having a higher IQ.

The symptoms of Asperger's includes the inability to contribute to group socials, generally in a pub or restaurant. It was one of the mysteries I wasn't able to fathom out when I sat with a group of friends in the pub following a session at the Reading Life Saving Club back in the seventies and again in the eighties - unless I found myself talking to just one other person in the group. One-to-one I'm quite good at, and the subject under discussion is of interest to both of us. Strangely enough, even on a subject which I have no interest in, such as football, I still can have a decent conversation with one other person - but would suffer a speech paralysis if football is talked about in a group discussion.

Another symptom which I was diagnosed with which led to my final conclusion, is that I tend to be pedantic. That means that I can be very fussy with accuracy. For example, if someone writes, Your good at maths, a pedantic person is less likely to resist from writing the correction underneath: You're good at maths. A pedantic person is more likely to get annoyed when reading text, and come across errors such as their, there, or they're used in the wrong context. But to be pedantic can also be a good thing when it comes to writing blogs or comments to be read by others. I, for one, always proof-read my work to correct any errors that might have slipped through the net. Simply, I can't stand others seeing my mistakes!

The third symptom of Asperger's Syndrome is a lack of empathy. This is the inability to understand how the other person would think or feel. The psychologist came up with the conclusion that I lack empathy. One possible example is for Jack to berate John because John always looks sad and forlorn, and is dampening the atmosphere of his immediate environment. Hence, Jack passes judgement without any consideration that John's mother had just died of a prolonged cancer ailment.

By telling me these things, the psychologist had done me a great favour. Since I became aware of these shortcomings, with the help of God through the Holy Spirit, I can change direction when faced with a choice of action. For example, if a friend was to approach me and say, I have less Christmas cards than I had last year. I would stop short of saying: You mean you had fewer cards than last year, which might have caused offence, but instead, sympathise by replying: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Did you receive my card? Which he's more likely to answer, Yes, I did. Thanks, Frank.

Psychologists may say that there is no cure for Asperger's Syndrome and having no physical abnormality associated with it, thus making any medical treatment impossible, but by believing that the crucified Jesus of Nazareth is the risen Christ and asking to be filled with the Holy Spirit, the effects of Aspie can come under greater control. The above Christmas card incident is a good example. By showing sympathy rather than to correct his grammar, I have achieved several things:

Firstly, by avoiding to correct his grammar, I have avoided the possibility of alienating him by being pedantic. Secondly, I have tuned into his feelings, hence showing empathy. Thirdly, I have taken his mind off the negative to focus on the positive, that is, to remember the card I sent to him and allowing him to thank me. Fourthly, not only is our friendship cemented but he also walks away happier than he was before.

With me having Asperger's, as diagnosed by the psychologist back in 2005, I believe that regular reading of the Bible and walking in the guidance of the Holy Spirit would go a long way towards building friendships. But being human, I'm still prone to err, and perhaps one example of this was when I shared a poster on Facebook. As someone displayed on his tee-shirt during and after the Spring Harvest Bible festival: GINFWMY - such lettering should arouse curiosity, indeed, I do ask to be patient, God is not finished with me yet. Thus feelings of anger can still arouse even by the most trivial issue, such as a poster I have shared on Facebook earlier in the week.

It was about Jabob Rees-Mogg cracking a joke that our fish will be happier now that they are in British waters, at last, free from the clutches of the European Union. As I read the statement, I felt a wave of anger pass through me and reposted the item with the statement, Bloody idiot! The fish will be happier with no fishing boats and crew around. Etonian pillock!

At first, I felt a sense of satisfaction after posting such a statement. Unless this politician had spoken to the fish and received the above response, I doubt that any fish would be happy to be caught in a trawler's net and be hauled out of the water to die and end up on the dinner plate. Then I thought, could he had meant that the fish will be happier simply by swimming under British waters? Who knows?

Jacob Rees-Mogg.

The poster was ignored by everyone who saw it. Not a single like or comment, or even an emoji (and I think there is a thumbs up and a thumbs down emoji within the large range available on Facebook) either for or against the statement. Coming to think of it, I think that what I had actually done was to allow my Aspie to rear it's head once again. 

The same article also appeared on the Daily Mail website. I then read the very long comment forum which trailed the article. Nearly everyone believed that Rees-Mogg acted foolishly, even citing the fish's preference very much the same way I did. But what seems to be my own personal anger, along with the dislike of him by the huge majority of commenters, was down to not just what he said, but his words were merely a reflection of his attitude.

Rees-Mogg's has always carried that arrogant I'm-above-the-rest-of-you-plebs attitude, who believes that England, being God's special country, is way too superior to be part of the EU. And so, always in a suit and tie, he turns up his nose and looking down, utter the words, we've won, you lost, get over it!

To be honest, I still find this very difficult to handle. Perhaps the kind of encouragement I need to to take my mind off politics and Brexit altogether and focus my mind on Jesus, to seek his kingdom and pursue righteousness. 

If only I could have sent him a Christmas card this year. Perhaps I would have made friends with him.