The Boy in every Man Just won't Go.

Today I write this as my beloved is resting next to me. As she goes through chemotherapy after a single mastectomy, she remains stable. All part of married life. After all, we both fully remember the vows we had taken on our wedding day as we placed our rings on each other's finger: 

For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death us to part.

To which our church pastor responded.

You are now husband and wife.

On that special day, I knew deep within that things were never going to be the same again. And such reminders came as prophetic dreams in my sleep, soon after the honeymoon was over. And one I remember so vividly, that across nearly twenty years, I'm still able to relate this dream as clearly as if it had occurred only last night:

I dreamt that I was standing near the check-in desk at Heathrow airport. But I wasn't on my own. Rather, I was with my father and his older brother, a strict Warrant Officer at the Royal Air Force. We were there not to board a plane but as if awaiting the arrival of somebody. The timing of the dream was set in the then-present day, around the year 2000, however, both Dad and Uncle looked as they were in the 1960s, relatively young, and therefore totally out of sync with the year I was meant to be in. And so, if I stirred or said something out of place, my Uncle's response would have been something like Quiet! or None of your cheek! - in a stern tone of voice.

My feelings in the dream were indescribable. Those feelings were from the pounding memories and a crushing longing for the clock to turn back three years. Because three years earlier I was standing at that very same spot, alone, with a rucksack strapped over my shoulders. I was checking in to board a flight to Singapore, which was the first call on the real-life 1997 Round-the-World trip, the second and third being the Queensland resort of Cairns and Los Angeles respectively. In the dream, I even saw the same Earls Court YHA hostel I stayed at on the eve of the flight. Seeing it again three years later whilst standing between Dad and Uncle has rubbed salt into an already emotionally-charged wound.

Two more similar dreams I had soon after the wedding were based on the same theme. In one dream I found myself on board a bus as it sped along the M4 westbound. From it, I was able to see Heathrow Airport as it sped past. As with the first dream, in this one too, I had that gut-wrenching feeling of regret, and the wanting to be there, checking in, and yet knowing that will never happen again. And whilst asleep the third time I found myself standing, alone, outside one of the terminals of Heathrow Airport. It was a solid wall, brilliant white and reflecting the sunlight, yet with no doors or even windows conveying the message that I couldn't enter the building anymore, despite my longing desire to do so.

Three dreams, all different, yet telling the same message. That is, one chapter of my life had closed and another chapter, one with far greater responsibilities, had opened.

Which could bring the reader to ask, Am I happy in my marriage or have I any regrets?

The answer to that is Yes, I am very happy in our marriage and I have no regrets in marrying my beloved. That is because we are deeply in love with each other, and the intention for both of us is to make it last until one of us is called home. Yet our wedding day did mark the death of something very dear to me - long-haul intercontinental travel.

I have often thought about this. At present I could ask, am I really interested in returning to the airport to check-in for another long-haul flight? Or has interest whittled away over the years as I fulfil my role as a husband? Really, coming to think of it, we are quite fortunate to travel overseas after getting hitched. Together as a married couple, we have visited Israel, Lanzarote, Rhodes, Kos, Paris, Brussels, Sicily and Malta. We have also sailed to Jersey and to the Scilly Isles - if these islands can be classed as overseas. We went to Rhodes for our honeymoon and we went back there to celebrate our tenth anniversary. And we intended to return for our twentieth. Due to illness, this is not to be. Instead, another trip to Brussels by Eurostar to visit the Old City is on the cards. 

This love for travel is what psychologists refer to as the boy in every man. Let's face it, we men don't really grow up at all, as lurking within all of us is a fun-loving boy. There's nothing negative about the boy in every man - I think God has included him in his initial creation.

As such, I find it all amusing to read about when, on one particular weekend in the seventies, a well-known church leader returned home, wheeling a brand-new motorcycle into his yard. His wife then turned to her daughter-in-law and said,

My dear, there is only one difference between a man and a boy - the man's toys are more expensive.

Fortunately for that family, the wife took it well, as he and his son often rode out into the desert on their bikes for that exhilarating experience of open-air freedom, the leaving behind of all responsibilities involved in pastoring a church. Or the case of the same leader's father, many years earlier. Just before one Christmas, he young lad spotted a wrapped present tucked away in the cupboard. Peeking into it, he discovered that it was a radio-controlled model aeroplane. However, he never saw his present again, and he forgot all about it. It was years later, after marrying and having children of his own when he remembered the present, and he asked his mother about it.

She burst out laughing and explained that on that Christmas eve, his father could not resist the temptation. He took the plane out of the cupboard and assembled it. He took it to the beach and flew it out into the night. He flew it alright, it splashed into the Pacific Ocean and lost it forever!

It's the boy in the man who causes him to shake his Christmas present, trying to find out what's inside.

It's the boy in the man who takes a chocolate truffle out of the box before presenting it for his wife's birthday.

It's the boy in the man who plays with his son's train set on Christmas day.

It's the boy in the man who rides a shopping trolley down the hill late at night.

It's the boy in the man who compels a policeman on duty to slide down a children's helter-skelter when he thinks no one is looking.

It's the boy in the man who has compelled 18th Century evangelist John Wesley to ride on his horse early every morning.

It's the boy in the man which made an elderly Royal bodyguard scowl with envy as he watches a young lifeguard slide down a newly-installed adventure flume as a demonstration to the visiting Royal who is declaring the facilities open. And this incident cannot be any truer as the photo was published in a local newspaper.

It's the boy in the man who pesters his wife to buy him an electric train set. He was one of my regular customers and a doctor by profession.

It's the boy in the man who compelled me to go out and buy an electric train set, and whilst carrying it home, explained that it was for my (non-existent) son to a group of sniggling female teenagers.

I know of a couple of adult men who own train sets. They tend to lay it out, run the train around the layout, then pack it away. Then again, I know of one male adult who takes his hobby more seriously, creating his layout into a mini-landscape. Some men have taken years to build their layout with utmost seriousness. As for me, I have added a station to my train set so I can watch with a thrill as the train races non-stop through the station! Oh, the boy in me.

The boy in me who loves train sets. The boy in me who loves being onboard a fast train. The boy in me who would fly halfway around the world to take pictures of tropical vegetation, among other things an exotic scenery can offer. The boy in me who compelled me to try out all the newly-installed adventure flumes at our local Coral Reef water world - for scientific research, of course! One fortunate enough to have a loving, understanding wife who has realised that "a night out with the boys" is actually good for the marriage, making it more robust.

And this is something I would encourage all wives. That is, not to stifle the boy lurking within your husband. According to the testimony of others, the understanding wife who is okay with letting the fun-loving boy come out of the man is the one who will also enjoy a richer, more loving relationship than the scolding henpecker who is more likely to drive her husband into the arms of another woman. However, there are issues.

During my courting days, I hit upon a crossroad. I had a stark choice. Should I marry this pretty sweetheart of mine sitting across the apartment? Or should I remain single and making use of the Trailfinders magazine I had in my hand - the one which carries ads for Round-the-World backpacking deals as well as testimonies from those who had accomplished them? That was when I proposed to her and having accepted, I tore up the magazine in front of her to say that I will be fully committed.

But having made the right decision, I do regret not abling to travel long-haul anymore, hence the dreams I had. But although I still dream of travel up to the present, these dreams don't have such an effect as they did in the past. And the fact that we hope to travel to Brussels for the day - this proves that although I might have tried to run away from the bug, it has never left me - at least this time it's to visit the Old City, whilst last time it was to visit the EU Parliament Museum.

Flumes at Coral Reef Water World, Bracknell.

However, there is one downside, the wrong reason for continuous long-haul travel. I know a good Christian friend who goes out on his own to work projects in various continents, leaving his wife at home.  These trips are usually just a month in duration, but I have also known him to be away for up to three months apiece on one or two occasions. On the surface, this looks to be a good way of following Jesus Christ in obedience. And indeed, I don't doubt whether God has called him to serve him in this way. I prefer to believe that he is walking in obedience to God's calling. However, I'm also aware of him feeling trapped in a loveless marriage, something which he had admitted in the past. 

Among other things, had she stifled the fun-loving boy character which is quite prominent within this man? Indeed, I have wondered whether his long-duration trips are a way to escape home responsibilities rather than face the more difficult task of seeking a full restoration, or whether this serious, computer-literate, home-based businesswoman has simply made the possibility of such a reconciliation more difficult to attain?

It's the kind of situation I would never want to be in. Yet I can feel sympathetic towards this friend of mine. If Alex was to turn against me and declare that she doesn't love me anymore... I dread just to think about it.

Yet I know it won't happen. It will never happen. One reason is that she sees the boy in the man and respects him. Allowing the boy in the man to come out and enjoy a bit of fun is one way to preserve a loving marriage relationship which will stand up against any tribulation which life throws at it.